A different approach to my birthday
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Join us on October 29th at 12:30 PM CT for a class with Veronica Rottman of Waking Womb, where we will explore the female nervous system and help empower you to reconnect with your body. More info below.
Birthdays are really loaded for me. I care deeply about them. I love celebrating people's birthdays, and I love being celebrated. Yet, I also have this part of me that always notices what’s missing. I’m highly aware of this tendency (it also tends to be an Enneagram 4 thing). This sensitivity is why I’m pretty great at decorating spaces, organizing events, and creating special occasions; I can see what is needed to make the space or event feel truly special and wonderful. However, this trait has also been a deeply painful part of my life. I often notice what’s missing in relationships, in work, and my life in general, instead of celebrating and honoring what is beautiful and good. I’d love to share how that played out last weekend and how I loved on that part of me.
I took the day off for my birthday to do things that feel really amazing to me. I woke up on my 45th birthday and listened to a beautiful meditation on abundance while still in bed. I then took a long bath with salts, roses, candles, and music to nourish myself. Next, I watched the sunrise and thanked the divine for 45 years of sunrises. I decided to take some time to bless my body, so I put on some beautiful music and, with my favorite body oil, rubbed every part of my body, thanking her for carrying me through these 45 years.
As someone who lives with a high level of pain in my body, it’s easy to focus solely on the parts that hurt. So, it felt incredibly holy to bless all my body parts, acknowledging how hard they have worked for me and how amazing they truly are. I apologized to the parts of my body that I have been critical and judgmental of while trying to fit into societal standards. I cried for the parts of my body that scream for attention. I thanked my knee, which has been hurting non-stop for three years; I held her, expressing my sorrow for her pain and asking her questions. I did the same for my hip, my shoulder, my toe that has broken numerous times, and my sweet neck. I held my neck and cried and cried.
I then wrote out 45 things I am proud of myself for. I am prone to noticing the ways I have failed, all the mistakes I have made, and what I haven’t done yet, so this felt needed and holy too. I wrote down little things and big things, really honoring the life I live with all its flaws and human mistakes. It all felt so loving and tender. That is one of my biggest hopes for myself this year: to cultivate more tenderness toward myself, which in turn helps me be even more tender in the world. I then enjoyed a slow walk in the woods in the most gorgeous weather.
We went to my best friend's land for the weekend, and I am so amazed by what they have created! (Check it out here: Airbnb) I spent time with three couples we celebrated my birthday with last year. For my introverted self, spending intentional time in nature with dear friends and animals is truly such medicine. On Saturday night, we sat around the fire, and everyone shared things they are proud of themselves for, which was honestly SO BEAUTIFUL! Going back to that theme of honoring what we have done beautifully instead of focusing on where we think we have fallen short is such a gorgeous practice. It’s especially precious to allow others to celebrate those things with you! We laughed and cried, and that’s my favorite kind of connection.
I intentionally stayed off Instagram on my birthday because that young part of me still wants to see what others say about me or if they are celebrating me. The day after my birthday, I got on Instagram and quickly regretted it. I slipped back into my old ways of noticing what was missing—friends and family who used to celebrate me online didn’t do so this year. I noticed those who forgot my birthday and felt deep grief. I crawled into Eric’s arms, feeling embarrassed that I cared and shame that I wasn’t just grateful for what I did have. He held me, loved on me, and spoke to little Ruthie - she was taught that my worth is in what others think and say about me. He reminded that little girl of the truth of my worth. I cried and cried and let myself grieve friendships that are no longer in my life, for relationships that do not look the way I wish they did, and for little me who was taught so many lies about my worth. I really let myself feel it. I allowed Eric to meet those grieving parts of me, and then I felt better! I rode out the feelings and returned to deep gratitude for the smaller life I have today. I have fewer people in my day-to-day life, but they feel so aligned, expansive, and beautiful. I was really present with my friends all weekend, and I felt so loved and treasured by their thoughtfulness, love, and care.
I don’t know what parts of you are aching as you read this, but if I could speak to that part of you, I would love to tell him/her/they that they belong here. They get to be seen, heard and felt. Of course, that part of you is hurting. I am so sorry for the grief and loss you carry in your body. I love that part of you, precious friend. Of course, you feel that! It just means you are human. I wish I could be with you to remind you that every part of you is worthy of love, tenderness, and affection. What does that part of you need to hear today? How can you love on that part of you?
If it feels right or good to you, maybe take some time to write out what you are proud of yourself for, and if it feels accessible, share it with a friend and ask them what they are proud of themselves for. It is such a holy practice. It is so fun celebrating our people and allowing ourselves to be celebrated (even if it feels a bit uncomfortable at first).
One of the things I am grateful and proud of is this community. I want to get even closer to you. I want to learn more about you. I love it when you comment here and tell me about yourself. I read every single comment. This place feels so expansive to me, and I hope and pray you feel loved here too.
Sending you and all of your parts so much love,
Ruthie
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Homecoming
Love’s Invitation Monthly Event: The Female Nervous System and Our Cyclical Nature
Homecoming
From the moment we enter this world, we are born free, knowing ourselves as divine love, whole, and worthy. Yet, societal conditioning often clouds this truth, leading us to believe we must contort ourselves to fit into predefined molds in order to belong and receive approval.
But here's the truth: liberation begins with unlearning. It's about shedding the layers of conditioning that have weighed us down and reclaiming our inherent worthiness. That's why we've created Homecoming - to provide a nurturing environment where you can rediscover your authenticity, express yourself fully, and embrace your innate power.
We invite you to come back to your heart, body, and mind in a space filled with love, acceptance, and support
The Female Nervous System and Our Cyclical Nature with Veronica Rottman
Veronica Rottman of Waking Womb is a somatic trauma resolution practitioner who centers on the female nervous system. Veronica has had a deep reverence for the body, particularly women’s body’s, from a very young age. She had an intuitive knowing while in college that our life and our responses to life were being driven by the body, and when she discovered Somatic experiencing and the polyvagal theory she felt deeply validated. Veronica has education and experience over the last 15 + years working in somatics, and she is incredibly grateful to witness the power of our nervous system and its inherent capacity to heal trauma and expand our lives. She leads online training, centering on the female nervous system, 1 on 1 sessions, retreats, and more.
This class will be held on October 29th at 12:30 pm CT. During this time we will dive into the female nervous system and the somatic, scientific, and spiritual intersections that compose our nervous system. Our nervous system is more complex, and our complexity has been ignored for decades as we have been left out of health research. Now that we have evidence of our unique needs and capacities, it is time to revolutionize somatics to include women and those in female bodies. Bring a journal, and have soma space to move a bit.
** This class is for paid subscribers ($6/month). If you would like to join, subscribe below and then come back to this post to register. If you are already a subscriber, you can register below!