Hi beautiful friends, I wanted to share some of the highlights of April, from beautiful to achey to all things in between.
I feel so lucky and blessed to have two girlfriends that I have known and loved since I was 17 and 18 years old, Katie and Leslie. Fun side story: Leslie is the reason I moved to Nashville. During our senior year spring break, I visited Nashville with her (she's from here), and I was offered a job that week! Twenty-two years later, and I am still here! Katie and I met on the first day of college, and I also introduced her to her husband after meeting him on a mission trip. I literally called her and told her I had met her husband, and no kidding, her response was, “Well, Ru, I think you're right!” They have been together well over 20 years! And so now she lives here too!
We try to get together every other month at 4:30 for dinner because that’s what you get to do in your 40s and feel freaking great about it! To have friends who have walked through so much life with you, even going very different paths, but having such deep love and respect for each other, is a treasured gift that I never want to take for granted.
Eric and I have been working on only putting native plants into our yard, and now all but one plant is native. We are loving going to the plant nursery on the weekends, and we also planted our summer garden last weekend, and lots of flowers that I cannot wait to bloom.
We got to go away to Black Mountain, NC, one of our favorite spots, to stay at our friend’s Airbnb. (We met them last summer when we stayed at their precious cabin and instantly fell in love with the BNB, Black Mountain, and this precious family who owns the property. Jeanette even came to Jed and I’s writers' retreat in the fall.) They are amazing, and I can't tell you how much we adore this area. This post shares more about our time there:
You may have noticed that I do not share much about current events on my Instagram or this Substack much anymore. That has been a very conscious decision for me. I have noticed for myself how dysregulated I get when I am constantly seeing how heartbreaking so many things in our country and our world are. It often feels so insane to me that my highly sensitive, highly porous body just freezes and shuts down, and then I am not of service to anyone.
There is a wealth of knowledge out there to get informed by, so I have decided that the way I am going to add my voice is to intentionally share ways we can come back home to ourselves, to be more present in our lives. Have more self-compassion and care for ourselves, because, friends, this has to be where we start. From that place, we are able to serve and love from a truer and more compassionate place in a way that feels much more sustainable to me.
I also love the phrase, “Pray and then move your feet.” I believe in pleasure activism. For Eric and me, that means planting native plants and trees for pollination, shopping at farmers markets, and supporting regenerative farmers. Shopping for clothes that we know are made sustainably. Helping out our neighbor, who is a widow, as much as possible. Finding ways that I can support the people and community that are in front of me has been what I have felt called to do.
I know I cannot stop killing in the Middle East—I can pray, I can donate, but I can't stop it. I cannot stop the wild things the administration is doing, but I can treat every immigrant I meet like the divine, beautiful soul that they are. I have chosen to keep my efforts local. I am conscious of what makeup brands I use because I do not believe in testing on animals. Being aware of how and where we spend and steward our money is our teeny little form of resistance.
I am not saying this is everyone's calling. I am so grateful for those who are out fighting for their beliefs for the betterment of our world. I am just choosing to serve in a different way that feels sustainable to me. Please do not for one minute think that I do not care. Dear God, do I care. I have felt everything from anger, despair, heartbreak, fury, disillusionment, and everything in between, but I am coming back to hope and love over and over again. No act is too small.
April 15th was the anniversary of my daddy's death. It has been 16 years, and some years it goes by without feeling much, but this year it hit me HARD! I got so deeply sad. I have two friends who always remember and reach out to me, and it means the absolute world to me!!!
I had a hard time getting up that day. I felt so much grief over that loss—of him not meeting Eric or meeting the son he did not know he had, or his great-grandchildren. He did not get to see his beautiful grandchildren grow up.
I know he is in a much better place, and he deeply feared growing old and losing his mind like his daddy did. But selfishly, I still wish he were here at times. That wild, hilarious, generous, rambunctious, life-of-the-party leader was a very complex man who did so much good and had plenty of human flaws just like the rest of us, but he had a really good heart, and he loved the shit out of his family! I got to listen to the recording he sent to my mom on the day he died, where he talked about how excited he was about coming to see his little girl and how much he loved me. I never for a minute doubted his love. I sure do miss having a daddy Earth-side.I had two intensives with clients in April, and those never cease to blow me away. I can't believe I get to do this work, and I get to watch these beautiful souls expand, unlearn so many stories, and remember their divinity and agency. It will never get old, and I hope to always be in awe of the privilege of this calling. What a freaking gift. (By the way, I have two clients closing out their containers this month, so I will be opening up two spots for my 6-month container. I would love to work with you! If you’re interested in working with me, fill out the form below and I’ll be in touch!
Being with my friends’ kids is one of the sweetest gifts in my life. Having them run up to me, screaming my name and jumping into my arms will never cease to amaze me. I got to spend some really sweet time with some of my closest friends’ kids this month, and because I can tend to take myself way too freaking seriously, that is always the best way to get me out of my head and back into play! I feel grateful that, because I do not have biological kiddos, I have a different kind of capacity to love on these angels, and that is such a gift to me! I can’t think of a greater honor than these kids knowing how much I love and treasure them.
I had some really low and painful moments this month. I never want to appear like I have it all together and I do not struggle, because that would not be honest or human!!!! I try not to talk about the pain that I have lived with for well over 25 years because I do not want to focus on that—there are so many other beautiful aspects of my life, and what you focus on grows. AND it is still very hard at times.
It takes a lot of energy to get through a day when you can't sleep well because of pain, and you are hurting. It can impact me at times. I have such a different relationship to it than I used to, and I do see it as my portal… AND it is hard. If you are reading this and you've experienced a chronic condition, I am so sorry. I know how lonely and exhausting it can feel at times. I see you, sweet friend. You are not alone in this, you beautiful soul. We are not alone.Lastly, two dear friends had books come out this month. One of my dearest girlfriends, Dr. Hillary McBride’s new book Holy Hurt is out and holy crap, I wish it were required reading in this world because even if you were not raised in a strict, controlling religious or spiritual community, we are all still affected by it. Her book is medicinal, truly.
Hillary and I will be together in person for our workshop, Invitation of Pain, on May 24 in Vancouver, Canada! If you have felt isolated and alone in your pain, we would love for you to join us.
’s new book, The Book of Alchemy, came out last week, and wow, I am in constant awe of that gorgeous, wise soul. She has taken unthinkable pain and turned it into such beauty and creativity that is of service to this world. I also have the honor of having an essay in the book :) I feel blessed to get to call these two women friends.
Another wonderful friend,
And one last highlight. If you have not noticed yet, Eric and I are THOSE CAT PEOPLE!!! We are so obsessed with our precious Fern. We have now had her for 6 months, and she has brought more joy than I can put into words. Seriously, my phone is 80% cat pics, and I feel great about it. When I am not feeling well, she is snuggling on top of me. She is as co-dependent as they come and just wants to snuggle all the time, and I am so here for it! We also LOVE all the street cats that we feed. I have named about a dozen of them that we feed morning and night, and they too are so precious and bring me so much joy. Only a few will let me pet them, but they all seem to trust me more and more by the day, and that makes my heart sing!!!!
How was your April, my loves? I'm so deeply grateful for you. You are a gift to me. Let's not give up hope in a better world ever, and remember love over and over again! You are a needed gift to this world!
Love you all,
Ruthie