Belonging
Notes on love & acceptance and a Q&A with Noor Tagouri
In this newsletter: a Q&A with the lovely Noor Tagouri and more!
Hello sweet friend,
Happy one-year anniversary of this newsletter!
It launched just over one year ago on February 14, 2022. I am so deeply grateful for each of you who are on this journey with me. I LOVE hearing from you in the comments and learning more about you. I read every one! I also have love, love, loved the monthly live gatherings with each of you who are paying members. Those nights have become so precious to me with our new and full moon rituals, emotional release evenings, dance nights, interviews with inspiring folks and so much more to come! I am so glad to have you here, dear friend.
Lately, I have been thinking about belonging. It is the thing we all long for most in this world. We were hard-wired for belonging. This is why we will cut parts of ourselves off and sign 1,000 little silent contracts as children saying that we’ll do whatever it takes to fit in, belong, and receive the love we are so desperate for. The problem is we become these conditioned, adult versions of ourselves, wearing masks to try to fit in, feel love, and be accepted. We can work on this though, and it is such big (often painful and confronting) work. It is NO JOKE to do the work to break out of the box we were put in and to know and understand we always belong to ourselves and to God.
I have become aware in the last 5 years of the conditioning and masks worn in my own life. I was asked constantly as a child what people said about me. I thought about it constantly. I craved compliments and affirmation like a drug. Though I’d take a compliment from anyone, I really wanted them from the “right people.” What do the popular kids think of me? I remember a time early on in my marriage when my husband came home from coffee with a friend, and I asked him if they’d said anything about me. He informed me of how annoying that was. I didn't know that was obnoxious at all, and I didn't realize I had been doing that to him all the time. It was that same little girl longing for affirmation, to be told I am someone special.
In the past 5 years, I also became aware of how I have unconsciously used people. I had no idea I was doing it, and I now know and understand precisely why I did–it's that little girl in me, still looking for approval and belonging from the “right” people. This is the same reason why Instagram became such a drug. I’d find myself checking it constantly to see who liked my post and did the “right people” notice me. That little girl in me would either be elated by the attention and affirmation or bummed because I didn't get it. What a mind fuck! What a rollercoaster to base my worth on receiving attention and affirmation from the outside world.
When I first recognized these very shadowy parts of me, it broke my heart. It hurt to realize I used people and have been used. I try to have lots of grace for that version of me, but it just doesn't fit anymore.
I want to tell you the funniest story from my birthday this past year. I had a precious friend wanting to organize a special intimate night for me, so I sent her a very small list of my dearest friends to invite. A day or two before the party, I got a text from my dear sister Katie asking me what we were doing for my birthday. I was so confused because she was on that short list. I made sure she had all the details and told her there was obviously some mistake. Well, on the night of my party, in walks two Katies, one being one of my dearest sisters and the other being a woman who I had met oh so briefly twice before (who I very much liked) holding my birthday cake. She walked straight up to me and said, “I realized that it must be a mistake that I was invited to this party since it was such a small group but I came anyway because I just know we will be friends and I wanted to celebrate you!” She even brought the cake! I couldn't stop laughing. We all couldn't stop laughing. She called me bestie all night long, ha!
We did, in fact, become friends and I could truly eat her up. We all laughed and laughed, and she brought the most fun, precious energy to this small gathering of women. I tell you this story because my new friend Katie KNOWS she belongs. She operates from a place of knowing she belongs everywhere she goes and she has done a ton of self-love work to get her to that embodied place. I told her that was the energy I was taking into my 43rd year.
I want to live as my truest, weird, crunchy, woo-woo, irreverent self. I also want to be grounded and accessible. I want to let all of myself be here–ALL OF ME. That includes loving and being with the parts I have hated and shamed the most. That is how those parts heal and alchemize. It’s been powerful for me to speak love and truth to the bullshit stories that take up a lot of space in my head. Those parts are in me, but so is my awareness of them. It’s my higher self who gets to speak truth to the bullshit.
I belong everywhere I go in this body of mine simply because I exist. It has nothing to do with what others think or don’t think of me. This comes from deep inner work. It's embodied/loving work that I know is for each of us. It really does start with coming back to our bodies and claiming the agency and love that is ours simply because we exist! You are so worthy of this, beautiful friend. This is the work I am doing for myself constantly, and it’s the work I mirror for every client because it’s the truest thing I know.
You are worthy, precious soul. You belong.
XX,
Ruthie
PS: If you want to dive into a journey towards this embodiment, one of the best books I have read on belonging is appropriately named Belonging: Remembering Ourselves Home by Toko-pa Turner. It's beautiful and felt so resonant and true in my body.
Keep reading for
Upcoming retreats and offerings with me
Q&A with Noor Tagouri, Storyteller & Founder of At Your Service
A card pulled for us
Join Hillary & I for our beloved workshop, The Invitation of Pain
Once a year I have the honor of teaching a workshop with the woman who has taught me more about embodiment than any other person on this planet, Dr. Hillary McBride. We are going to be offering our Invitation Of Pain workshop this year on March 20 from 4-6 PM PT, followed by our small group work starting in April (dates and info to come).
If you have struggled with chronic pain and feel the hopelessness that it brings then this workshop is going to be so incredibly helpful. When we experience pain, we are instructed to medicalize our pain to make it go away. We learn to see our bodies as the enemy and forget who we are outside of the pain, but we can learn to experience and understand pain differently. We can even come to see pain as the route back to who we really are. In this way, the pain becomes the invitation back to our bodily selves–reminding us how to love ourselves more fully, teaching us that we can heal, that we were created for it. We would be so thrilled to share this evening with you!
Learn more and register to join here! →
Become Your Own Best Friend Retreat | March 3-5
If you are interested in doing a live retreat next month, Mari Andrew and I are co-leading a retreat at Kripalu (a magical place on magical sacred lands) called Becoming Your Own Best Friend. We will share tools, rituals, meditations, embodiment practices, journaling prompts, and more to bring radical compassion and love to the parts of us that we have been conditioned to believe are bad, unworthy, and shamed. We would be thrilled to have you join us!
Be seen and held in a 1-on-1 coaching container with me!
If you are interested in doing one-on-one work with me I have 4 spots open for my 2- or 3-month Love Reflections coaching container. This is an opportunity to go deep into your own journey of self-love, healing, and discovery. I would love to dig in with you, you can learn more here and apply for a free discovery call →
Join me for a tea ceremony
If you are in the Nashville area and would like to do a Tea Ceremony/Oracle Reading with me, I would be honored to welcome you into my sweet home and share this beautiful, potent time with you.
I also offer tea ceremonies for groups of up to 5 people. I did one last weekend for 5 ladies, and it was such a magical time! In this ceremony, you are able to connect with your higher self, your body, and the Divine.
Truth With Ruth: Noor Tagouri, Storyteller & Founder of At Your Service
I am so honored to share my dear friend and sister Noor with you today. Noor and I met in 2016. I was immediately in awe of her and her wisdom. She is one of the most profound friends I have in my life, constantly growing, evolving, and staying so curious and open. She is a bridge builder. Truly. I am grateful to know her, love her, and beyond grateful to give you a taste of why she is one of my greatest teachers.
Meet Noor!
Noor Tagouri’s innovative storytelling spans across media. At 29, Noor is an award-winning journalist and producer, a touring speaker for over 10 years, and has told stories in every medium from radio and print, to documentaries and brand campaigns. In 2019 Noor founded At Your Service Imprint, a consulting and production company telling representative stories as a form of service. In 2022 Noor launched her investigative series Rep: A Story About the Stories We Tell, in partnership with iHeartMedia. With a finger on the pulse of people’s concerns, Noor’s storytelling is recognized for her approach to fostering relationships across lines of difference.
Listen to Noor’s podcast Rep: A Story About the Stories We Tell!
What does healing mean to you?
Healing to me is connecting with the deepest stories of who and why I am.
What is your biggest fear?
I don't know if I have a singular biggest fear anymore, it's more of the fears that come up consistently that I now try to approach with curiosity. Usually relating to being misrepresented or my story being told through the perception of others.
What brings you joy?
My family, the elders and the kids in my family. Living in the mountains. Being home.
What is your favorite memory?
My favorite memory is actually last weekend I set up a paint night with my family and every single generation got involved and painted, many for the first time, while listening to Abdel-Halim Hafez. It was transcendent.
In what areas of your life could you give yourself more grace?
How people perceive me.
Who do you most admire? Why?
My 12 year old brother who shows us every day what it looks like to feel your feelings out loud, to be affectionate with your love, and to be yourself.
What is your favorite quality in a person? What is your least favorite quality?
My favorite quality in a person is the ability to always see other perspectives. Least favorite quality in a person is gaslighting.
What is your current state of mind?
Getting more clear and grounded.
When and where are you most peaceful?
With paint covering my fingers after a day in my cabin (which is how I am typing these words)
Which talent would you most like to have?
Time travel
What is something you are proud of in yourself?
Producing my latest investigative podcast "Rep: A Story about the Stories we Tell" -- it has changed me forever.
What is breaking your heart right now?
The Earthquake in Turkey/Syria and how the world selectively responds to crises.
A song you will never get sick of
The Chain, Fleetwood Mac
What do you think is (or is one of) your greatest accomplishment(s)?
Documenting the stories of my family.
Favorite quote or poem?
A quote I've been thinking about is actually a conversation I just had...someone asked Adam and I how we stay curious and Adam's response was: "pay attention to the (changing) seasons." It's not a quote, but it feels poetic and inspired the painting I am currently working on. Definitely words to meditate on!
Do you have a morning routine? If so, tell us about it!
On a good morning, I jump in our icy pond, then drink hot water and lemon, turn on our local radio station, and head to Pilates or Yoga, then to my favorite local coffee shop in Woodstock, pick up an iced macchiato, and take a walk in our local cemetery with my husband Adam. It's my favorite ritual.
What does your perfect day look like?
The morning starts with old cartoons followed by an ice pond plunge, day painting, meditating, dancing in my cabin with the door wide open and the sun shining or the rain pouring as a soundtrack. Maybe I see a Mama bear with her cubs, 1-2 hot baths in the soaking tub, rotating my favorite snacks, and getting my favorite indian food as takeout.
What is the compliment you get the most? What do you wish you were complimented on?
Hmm, the compliment I get the most is that I am a spitting image of my Mama or that our stories have inspired people to dig into their own stories. And I wish I were complimented more on my taste in cartoons!
If you could give one piece of advice about life, healing, self-love, living your truth, or the like, what would it be?
Interrogate and investigate your own stories, revisit your beliefs, and choose the quest of a question.
A card for the week:
Absolutely loveeeed this. Thanks for sharing. It help me recognize how I used to crave the “belonging” feeling on the external bc I was being true to myself. It has been quite a journey since I started therapy but know, as you recognized on Katie, I know in my heart I belong everywhere bc I belong to me.
Love this! are any of the emotional release nights saved on zoom ? I had to miss the one on 2/16 last minute. :(