Feeling it All to Forgive

Exciting News: I’m hosting a weekend retreat, “The Sacred Rebel Retreat”, at The Art of Living Center in Boone, North Carolina from April 12th-14th. You can find all the details here. Would love to have you join!

---

Feeling it All to Forgive

Do you find yourself holding on to hurt from your past? Do you hear yourself tell the same story of how someone hurt you over and over? Do you shame yourself for mistakes you’ve made or ways you may have hurt people, even if it was unconscious? If you’re human, I’d imagine you said yes to one or all of these things.

And guess what?!?! ME TOO!

We’re not unique in this, sweet friends. I have conversations about this topic most days with my clients. It’s a universal experience. I believe part of our job on this journey of Earth School is to learn how to recognize the limiting stories we continually tell ourselves and feel in our bodies what it feels like when we tell that story.

For example, do you feel a pit in your stomach when you think of the mistake you’ve made? Do you feel heat in your face when you think about how that person hurt you? Where does it live in your body? Is there a shape, color, or size? A temperature? How big is it? What does that part of you need to hear? How can you love on that part? Do you need to cry? Do you need to punch a pillow to move some anger or bitterness? What about screaming into a pillow? What about allowing yourself to dance with whatever emotions you’re feeling? What would it feel like to allow your body to dance with anger? Shame? Hurt? Disappointment? There are so many ways to move emotions through our body.

I’ve realized that for most of my life when I was hurt by someone, I’d jump right into forgiving them because it’s what I thought the “good girls” did. But in doing that, I wasn’t allowing myself to really feel and process the hurt I felt. I was completely bypassing my feelings by swallowing them.

I’ve also struggled to forgive myself for mistakes I’ve made unconsciously, beating the shit out of myself for ways I’ve hurt people. Perfectionism very much sits at my table. I hold myself to a VERY high standard, which can be such a disservice to my sweet body, as I expect myself to never mess up! 

I think back to when I was going through my divorce, after my husband left me and ended up with one of my closest friends. I knew I didn’t want to become angry and bitter from it. There was a woman in my hometown who had been divorced for 20+ years and still hated her ex. She talked shit about him all the time and seemed like the angriest woman I’d ever met. I didn’t want to be like that, so I decided I would just send them love and forgiveness.

The problem was, that I completely swallowed all the hurt, anger, grief, betrayal, and rage I felt, and it didn’t go away. It was so easy for me to see all the ways I helped get us to that point. All the mistakes I’d made, but I never let myself be ANGRY - to scream, hit pillows, shake, wail. I swallowed it all and turned it on myself. And of course I did, because I wasn't taught how to express emotions. I was taught how to swallow them.

The emotional releases came years later after my emotional and physical pain got worse and worse. I had to grieve the divorce and feel the hurt, betrayal, anger, and all the other feelings that came with that period of time. And I had to grieve and feel all the ways I was a part of us getting to that point, because, trust me, I played a huge role in getting us there. So let yourself feel it, move it, shake it, yell it, punch it, allow yourself to throw a freaking tantrum on your bed. Be sure you’re in a safe place when doing so and if friends or family are in the house, let them know what you’re going to be doing so they’re aware (I, personally, like to do it when I’m alone so I can be completely free to express myself). 

One of my teachers knows me well and how hard I can be on myself, so she assigned me this beautiful practice that I’ll be doing for 33 consecutive days. She gave me this Prayer Of Forgiveness to say out loud every day, 3 times in a row for 33 days. My partner and I are doing this each night. It’s a really beautiful exercise and acts as a gentle reminder to feel the hurt in your body first. This isn’t a bandaid to override your feelings, but is a beautiful aid in forgiving others and yourself. 

Prayer Of Forgiveness 

Divine, Spirit, Source, please move me into a state of forgiveness towards anyone or anything that has hurt me, consciously, or unconsciously, from the beginning of time to this present moment. I now forgive them, and I release the energy of the past.

Divine, Spirit, Source, please move me into a state of forgiveness toward myself for any hurt that I have caused others, consciously, or unconsciously, from the beginning of time to this present moment. I now forgive myself and I release the energy of the past.

Divine, Spirit, Source, please move me into a state of forgiveness for any hurt I have caused myself, consciously or unconsciously, from the beginning of time to this present moment. I now forgive myself and release the energy of the past.

I invoke the grace and power of forgiveness to transform my body, mind, and heart, as I return to Divine innocence. And so it is, with gratitude.

I hope this feels supportive to you. You will be hurt, you will hurt others. That’s part of the human experience. But we need to feel it, move it, and oftentimes, we may need to make amends and ask for forgiveness. I know this can feel scary, but we also deserve to give ourselves and others grace (even if it’s from afar). I often picture specific people in my mind when I say this prayer each day. I believe it makes a big energetic difference. 

Do you have ways you practice forgiveness? I’d love to hear about it. 

Let’s give ourselves a little more grace today.

Love love love to you all, and here is to more forgiveness towards others and ourselves.

Love, Ruthie