How embodiment helped me find my partner
I want to tell you a story about meeting my partner. I met him on Bumble in 2022 and to be honest, I was dating a lot of men casually at the time. I am not quite sure what made me swipe on him. He was very tall and seemed to have kind eyes but otherwise, did not seem like my type. We talked casually for a while before he finally asked me out. The man that showed up to our date looked different from his pictures with hair to his belly button and a long scruffy beard. His clothes looked way too big for him (I found out later he was wearing clothes from when he weighed 100 lbs more) and my first thought was, “What is this guy hiding under all that hair and those big baggy clothes”. I made up the story that he didn't really want to be seen for some reason.
On our first date, I didn't feel a strong connection and wasn't sure if I was attracted to him. It was honestly a little awkward. He was very kind but I could tell he was super nervous. Throughout the night I was shown little things that I really appreciated. Like how he had to push back our date because he was invited to a birthday party of a little girl whose daddy worked with Eric. Eric was the only English-speaking person at the party and he had started studying Spanish every day so that his co-worker would not feel so isolated at work. Also, something I always pay close attention to is how people in the service industry are treated, and I liked how well he treated our servers. I also liked how he talked about his family, but honestly, there were other men I was talking to that I was way more interested in. When we were leaving the date, he asked me if I would be open to going out with him again, and I felt like I heard my body say yes. As soon as I got back to my house I thought, why did I say yes?!?! But it felt like my body made the decision, not my conditioned mind.
On the next date, we went for a hike and it was also pretty awkward. If I didn't ask questions, we didn't really talk and he also gave brief answers. I kept the conversation going for a while and then when I stopped talking there would be long awkward pauses. I could not tell if he was just bad at asking questions or if he was just really nervous (I later learned that he was anxious because this was his first time dating since he became sober from alcohol). I am now in awe of how brave that was of him to put himself out there as he did but at the time it all just seemed awkward. I still caught glimpses of his kindness and gentleness, and I could hear his humor come through in our texts. He is truly hilarious but it took a while for him to show me how witty he is. The week before our date, I had a birthday, and he brought me a gratitude journal which I found to be very thoughtful. However, I still wasn't interested in him as a partner.
Around our 4th date, he kissed me for the first time, and I will never forget it. I felt something I had never felt before, I remember thinking, this is what people talk about, the firework feeling, which I had never experienced. I remember having a chat with God while we were kissing, literally! HA! I said, “Really God?! THIS GUY?!?!” I was so confused because none of it made sense to my conditioned mind. He didn't look or act like the kind of guy I pictured for myself. We believed a lot of different things and so many things on paper did not make sense to me, yet my body was SCREAMING YES!!!! I was blown away and started catching feelings after that kiss. It opened my heart to him in a new way, even though it scared the shit out of me. I stopped casually dating the other men in my life and only dated Eric. He started opening up more and more as he felt safer with me and oh my goodness, his heart is beautiful
I sent a picture of his shaved face to my best friend Jed, and he goes, “WHAT THE HELL?!?!? God said you had to fall in love with that man’s face before you get to see that jawline” haaaaa! Thank God for embodiment work, thank God for trusting my body’s knowing over my very conditioned mind!
We have been together for about 18 months now, and though our relationship is very human and far from perfect, his love has brought me more safety, care, love, and acceptance than any relationship I have ever had in my life. The saying goes, “If the rip happened in relationships, then the repair also needs to happen in relationships” He has brought so much comfort to some of the deepest wounds that live in my body. He sees my most shadowy parts and leans in and loves me in those deeply wounded, hurt places.
I am so grateful for this precious man in my life and I am so thankful for the wisdom of my body!!!
We are currently in Sarasota, FL for a couples' retreat, and as I watch him read in this coffee shop, I feel tears in my eyes. I am filled with gratitude for this incredible man who is my companion on this earth school journey. At times, I did not believe I would ever find my person and he is now my family, my number 1, my best friend. I am just so grateful.
I would love to hear from you. Have you had experiences where you trusted your body over your mind even when it did not make sense? I would love to hear about it! Most of my life experiences involved my conditioned mind overriding my body's needs. OOOOF this is such deep unlearning and remembering work. Please comment below on what your experiences have been.
I love you, beautiful friends. Every part of you belongs here, xx, Ruthie
Happening Soon: I wanted to let you know that this month for all my paid subscribers, I am going to be teaching about Deconstruction. What it looks like to create a new and more expansive type of spirituality after leaving a religious system that you were once a part of. After possibly throwing the baby out with the bathwater, (which is a very natural part of the process btw.) This is a conversation I teach a ton with my clients and it is very close to home for me. I would love to share it with you. We will be meeting on April 18th at 12:30 PM Central.
As a reminder, this event is part of our monthly live offering for paid subscribers only - if you’re not a paid subscriber yet and would like to sign up for $6/month, you can sign up using the button below and then come back to this post to register!
I would love to have you join live, there is something really special about being in person with each other and there is plenty of time for Q&A but if you are unable to, you will get the recording the next day. Link below to sign up. xx