Letting myself be seen.
Thoughts on vulnerability + Q&A with Brianna Wiest ✨
In this newsletter: a Q&A with the inspiring Brianna Wiest and more! Don’t miss it!
Hello sweet friend,
This past weekend was a deeply heavy one for me. Nothing in particular happened, but I felt immense grief, sadness, and pain in both my body and heart. Overall, I just felt very low. The weather in Nashville has been incredibly gray and so cold, which definitely impacts how my mind and sweet body feel. All I wanted to do was cry, lay in bed, watch shows, and maybe eat my feelings a bit. Basically, I wanted to numb and isolate.
I learned to do this from a very young age. I was essentially raised by the tv. Food and tv shows were the ways I learned how to escape any present moment that felt too overwhelming and scary in my body. I have shamed myself to death for how often I have done this until a few years ago when I realized those two things literally probably kept me on the planet. Those escape routes served me, allowed me to survive, and I can thank them for now for how they helped me even if they no longer serve me today. Do I still do both of those things at times? ABSOLUTELY, and that is okay! We all get to be so human, and those habits are DEEP! (This post ♡ …)
Here is what was interesting this time though: in the past when I have felt low or in that much emotional, physical, and/or spiritual pain, I have isolated. I checked out and reemerged when I was feeling better. I may have told a few of my best friends that I was struggling, but as I have lived alone and mostly been single, it was easy to not be seen in those heavy/darker times. This is what felt familiar to me. This is what felt safe.
This time around my partner was here. It felt different, vulnerable, and scary. Everything in me wanted to have him go away so he wouldn’t see me. Despite feeling deeply uncomfortable though, I didn't ask him to leave. I let him see me feeling very low and very very sad. Honestly, it felt awful in some ways because it felt so raw. I wanted to push him away, to run away and hide, but I remembered something I always say to myself: “Even if I feel scared in my body, I am so so brave.” So I let him see me. I let him hold me. I let him lean in when all I wanted was to push him away.
This felt like a huge growth edge for me–incredibly raw and so vulnerable. He didn't waver. He didn’t try to fix me. Instead, he held me as I cried. He made it known that he wasn't going anywhere and that my pain did not scare him at all. He showed me love, grace, and deep compassion.
As scary as it felt to be seen in that state, it also felt deeply healing and beautiful to let someone love me and see the parts of me that I so want to hide and shame. That is my work. I would go so far as to say, that is the work.
We are invited to show up as our whole selves and let all of our parts be seen. We can learn to love the parts of ourselves that we have hated or shamed and let the people we love and trust, love and care for those parts with us.
The more I do this for myself, the more I am able to do this for others authentically without trying to change or fix them. I remember my dear sister sharing with me years ago about a time at the beginning of her marriage when she was still in the thick of her eating disorder. She had gone to the kitchen and was stuffing her face with as much food as possible hoping to hide it while her husband was watching a show. All of sudden she heard him behind her and felt horror and shame that she was seen in the midst of her binge (if you have dealt with disordered eating you know how deeply we try to hide those parts of us). Instead of shaming her or trying to fix her, he jumped on the counter, grabbed a carton of ice cream and a spoon, and started eating. He said, “Baby, I am here. You don't have to hide this part of you because I love every part of you. Let me be here with you, witness you, and eat with you.”
That story brought me to tears when she first shared it with me. I was so moved by the idea of him witnessing her in the space she felt the most shame and secrecy around. He brought so much deep love, care, compassion, and presence to that experience with her. That is our deepest longing–to be seen, loved, and held in our pain and our loss; to have someone hold us and not try to “fix” us. I think because I have been learning to do this for myself for quite some time now, I have also begun to learn that I am created to do this in partnership and community too. We are all so deserving of this kind of love, and those around us are so deserving of this kind of love from us. Yes, it's scary as fuck, and it's deeply healing and expansive.
Some questions to think or journal about today:
How can you let a safe person in your life into some of your parts that ache? What would that look like for you?
If you are currently in a season of singleness or feeling alone, can you offer yourself your own presence and kindness today?
Can you love on the parts of you that want to run, hide or escape? What does that part of you need to hear?
Can you feel that lonely, aching part in your body and let yourself be curious with the sensations you are feeling?
They truly just want to be felt, communed with, and loved on.
I love you. I love us.
Ruthie
PS: I’ve been listening to this one on repeat:
⥤ Keep reading for:
Song clinics with Audrey Assad
February Live Gathering: Emotional Release Night
Upcoming retreats and offerings with me
Q&A with Brianna Wiest
Songwriting clinics with Audrey Assad
My best friend Audrey Assad, is one of the most prolific songwriters I’ve ever encountered and she’s offering songwriting clinics! Her heart, wisdom, and skill make these offerings so potent! If songwriting or music has been filling up or pulling on your heart lately, check out the beautiful opportunity.
Learn more about Prismatic: Songwriting Clinics →
Our live gathering is next week! Emotional Release Night
Join us next Thursday, February 16 from 6-7 PM CT for our group Emotional Release Night. This is our live gathering this month for our paid subscribers. I’ll be sharing with you many of the practices I’ve learned to move energy and emotions through my body, the ones that have supported me along my own healing journey. The last time I held this kind of gathering, I had so much wonderful feedback from those who came. I can’t wait to see you all there and share these practices that have been so helpful with you.
If you want to join us, register here. →
Become Your Own Best Friend Retreat | March 3-5
If you are interested in doing a live retreat next month, Mari Andrew and I are co-leading a retreat at Kripalu (a magical place on magical sacred lands) called Becoming Your Own Best Friend. We will share tools, rituals, meditations, embodiment practices, journaling prompts, and more to bring radical compassion and love to the parts of us that we have been conditioned to believe are bad, unworthy, and shamed. We would be thrilled to have you join us!
Be seen and held in a 1-on-1 coaching container with me!
If you are interested in doing one-on-one work with me I have 4 spots open for my 2- or 3-month Love Reflections coaching container. This is an opportunity to go deep into your own journey of self-love, healing, and discovery. I would love to dig in with you, you can learn more here and apply for a free discovery call →
Join me for a tea ceremony
If you are in the Nashville area and would like to do a Tea Ceremony/Oracle Reading with me, I would be honored to welcome you into my sweet home and share this beautiful, potent time with you.
I also offer tea ceremonies for groups of up to 5 people. I did one last weekend for 5 ladies, and it was such a magical time! In this ceremony, you are able to connect with your higher self, your body, and the Divine.
Truth With Ruth: Brianna Wiest
I am so excited to share this week's Truth With Ruth from Brianna Wiest. She is one of my favorite people to follow on Instagram–@briannawiest. Her insights and wisdom blow my mind. When I read her words, they speak to a place in my heart and body, feeling like a deep exhale. I am profoundly grateful for her offerings to this world, and I’m excited to share her answers with you.
Meet Brianna!
Bestselling author of 101 Essays That Will Change The Way You Think, The Mountain Is You, two poetry collections, and others. Her books have sold over 1M copies around the globe, and are currently being translated into 20+ languages.
Website: briannawiest.com
IG: @briannawiest
What does healing mean to you?
Healing means returning to a fluid state where we are able to move through the spectrum of human emotion and experience without getting caught in one end or the other. We think of healing as though it is a return to a place of permanent peace, and I think that's true when we are not alive as human beings. But I think we are here to create something, to do something, to become something. It's an active experience, something we participate in. It's supposed to present us with challenges, it is supposed to initiate our growth. However, at times, the lessons don't metabolize, and we end up stuck beneath what feels like an unbearable heaviness, unable to take even one step forward. To me, healing means the willingness to bear the hurt for what you care about. The ability to process feelings without them overwhelming you, without them initiating self-destructing behaviors. The ability to have uncomfortable conversations, to speak the truth even if it isn't the easiest thing. I believe these virtues open us up to lives of a greater meaning, purpose and beauty than we can imagine.
What is your biggest fear?
Wasting my potential.
What brings you joy?
The little things. A cup of coffee. Morning air. The California coastline. My best friends. Long, lingering dinners where you're laughing about nothing and everything until you're kneeled down on the floor trying not to pee yourself. Cooking wonderful food. Clarity. Books you can't put down. People you love inexplicably and unexplainably. Sunsets. A very good night of sleep. My cat.
What is your favorite childhood memory?
Running through my grandmother's backyard at 7 AM, with the warm morning light dancing between the garden leaves and branches. I never felt so free as I did then.
In what areas of your life could you give yourself more grace?
All of them. I'm a work in progress.
Who do you most admire? Why?
My future self. She saved me.
What is your favorite quality in a person? What is your least favorite quality?
My favorite quality is an open heart. Someone who you can bond with. Someone you can be real with. My least favorite quality is people who make other people uncomfortable in social settings.
What is your current state of mind?
Grounding.
When and where are you most peaceful?
At home, in Big Sur.
Which talent would you most like to have?
I wish I could sing better. I write songs in my spare time. I wish I could make demos and give them to others.
What is something you are proud of in yourself?
Being bold, and brave. As someone recently said to me: "You really just send it in life. You really go for it."
What is breaking your heart right now?
The bittersweetness of goodbyes. To know the next chapter is beginning, but missing so many pieces of the last.
A song you will never get sick of
Wonderful Tonight by Eric Clapton.
What do you think is (or is one of) your greatest accomplishment(s)?
Writing multiple bestsellers before I turned 30, all of which became bestsellers despite coming from an independent publisher, and having virtually no traditional press or PR. Those books were passed from heart to heart, around the whole world. If I died tomorrow, I would be at peace because of this.
Favorite quote or poem?
On the Strength of All Conviction and the Stamina of Love by Jennifer Michael Hecht:
Sometimes I think
we could have gone on.
All of us. Trying. Forever.
But they didn't fill
the desert with pyramids.
They just built some. Some.
They're not still out there,
building them now. Everyone,
everywhere, gets up, and goes home.
Yet we must not
diabolize time. Right?
We must not curse the passage of time.
Do you have a morning routine? If so, tell us about it!
It changes, but the one consistent thing is that the most important thing gets done first. Some days, and really many days in the past, that has been writing. I would wake up and get my computer and write for at least an hour before literally anything else. Now, it's coffee and meditation outside.
What does your perfect day look like?
Any day I both feel productive, and get to spend time with people I love.
What is the compliment you get the most? What do you wish you were complimented on?
I think I probably get complimented on writing the most. I would imagine. I don't keep a tally, but if I had to guess it's something within that realm. I wish more people knew that I am a very good friend, or at least try to be.
If you could give one piece of advice about life, healing, self-love, living your truth, or the like, what would it be?
It's not supposed to feel right if it isn't right. You can use all the tools in the universe, but the moment of change is quiet and simple: the moment you decide to do something you have never done before.
Isn’t Brianna wonderful?! Feel free to share what resonated with you in your stories or with a friend!
May you find a new way to love a part of yourself that aches today.