Listening to my gut
(Even when it does not make sense logically)
I learned to override my gut at a very young age. I learned to say “yes ma’am” and “yes sir” because that’s what good, polite Southern girls do. It was not OK to say no to my parents. (I will say this over and over again — this does not make them bad. Two things get to be true. They were doing the best they could and exactly what they were taught, AND it taught me to override my thoughts, emotions, and feelings. I believe so much of our Earth school experience is unlearning our conditioning and remembering our agency, power, and goodness.)
When I first met Eric, he did not meet a lot of my conditioned and societal ideas of what I was looking for in a partner - work-wise, style-wise, financially, etc. Thank God, my body kept saying yes to going on more dates with him, even though my mind was saying no. It was the wisest and bravest decision I’ve ever made because I would’ve missed out on the most amazing human in my life today!
My body is always telling me the truth, and my beautiful mind is constantly telling me wild, conditioned, limiting stories!
Last weekend, I had signed up to do a full-day workshop with a few people that I know and care for. I kept going back and forth on whether it was the right decision. The morning of the experience, I woke up at 3 a.m. with such a pit in my belly. I felt like my body was screaming “No!”
I had spent a good bit of money and had committed to doing it, but after sitting with it for almost an hour, I knew that I could not go. It did not make sense to my logical brain — it did not make sense financially — but to my body, it made sense. I can make up plenty of stories about why it wasn’t the right fit for me on that day, but all that matters is my body said no.
Learning to say no has felt like such a sacred reclamation in my life. I still have the tendency to want to make excuses and to over-explain my no’s because pleasing people still sits at my table. But standing firm in my no, without feeling the need to explain myself, feels so empowering. For some clients who never learned to say no or were not allowed to in childhood dynamics, I highly encourage their no’s because I know how holy the word no is!
It feels like I am taking care of Little Girl Ruthie, who wasn’t allowed to say no to authority. Every time I honor that “no” that my body is saying, I am honoring Little Ruthie and taking care of her in such a profound way.
I don’t know the full extent of why my body did not want to be there last weekend, and it doesn’t matter. Honoring my body's yes and no is my top priority. Honoring Little Ruthie is my highest priority. I want her to know that she is safe to say as many no’s as she needs to, even if it’s not the popular answer.
I also get to continue to be curious with myself when fear is driving my no’s. Am I saying no because I’m scared and don't want to be seen, or am I saying no because it’s what my body is asking of me? That is ongoing work for me.
My insides have felt like a scared, shaking poodle for most of my life, and helping that little girl inside feel safe and brave to show up even when she’s scared is ongoing work for me. But for this workshop, I feel great confidence that it was just a big body no, and I feel proud of myself for honoring that.
Was it okay to say no to your caregivers growing up? What is your relationship with “no” today? Do you feel like you can hear your body’s yes and no?
Sweet friend, your no is holy, your yes is holy, even when they are not popular with others. I know this is big work for us with big people-pleaser parts, but it is so worth creating safety within ourselves to let other people down!
Oooof, it can feel so scary, but again, it is so worth it to live in your truth and a worthy muscle to build. I would go so far as to say it is loving for everyone involved!
I love you so. Your yes’s and your no’s are so welcome here, sweet friend! Love, love, love, Ruthie
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