Musings on Another Trip Around the Sun

My beloved child, break your heart no longer by Swami Kripalu, Bapuji

My beloved child, break your heart no longer
Each time you judge yourself, you break your own heart
You stop feeding on the love which is the wellspring of your own vitality
The time has come, your time to live, to celebrate, to see
The goodness that you are...
Let no one, No thing or ideal or ideas obstruct you
If one comes, even in the name of “Truth,”
Forgive it for its unknowing
Do not fight.
Let go
And breathe into the goodness that you are.

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Hello beautiful friend, 

I am writing to you from the other side of a birthday. I turned 43 last week. I am feeling shifts and clarity as I move into this new year of my life, and I would love to spend some time reflecting on these with you.

It’s often hard for me to see the changes in my life. I can be so hard on myself, and, like most of us, it’s easy for me to recognize the ways I have fallen short or failed while rarely giving myself credit for the growth and change. This is where the power of friendship comes in. One of the many things I love about my friends is how well we celebrate ourselves and each other. It is honestly so beautiful.  

For my birthday some girlfriends got together to love on me. They gathered around me and each of them set intentions for the partner I am calling in while holding a gorgeous stone. They spoke all the things they believe I am deserving of. I was really able to hear them and soak in their words. This is a change for me. 

I kept thinking, what if I truly let myself absorb and believe what they are saying? How would I move through the world if I completely believed in my goodness and wholeness? If I believed that the universe is always working in my favor (even in the painful things)? I know these words in my head, but it goes back to that perfect saying, “Knowledge is just a rumor until it moves into the muscle.” We can know something in our head or thoughts, but this is very different from embodying that truth. 

Part of this change I am noticing is how I am allowing myself be curious about what and how it looks to embody my truths, like the ones my friends spoke over me. The next night I had a date with a precious man I had been casually seeing for about 7 weeks, and at his home my body told me this is it, this is the last time you will see him. Now here's the thing. He is precious and wonderful, but I just want more. I really heard my friends when they said all that I deserve in partnership and I realized this precious man could not meet me in the way I am looking to be met emotionally. This does not make him bad or wrong in any way, at all. It just felt so clear to me that I want more. The next morning I told him all the reasons I was so grateful for him and that our time had come to a close. It was very loving and respectful, but what felt the most amazing was that I listened to my body and honored her knowing. 

Not long ago I probably would have stayed longer because it felt so great to be adored and liked. I loved our physical relationship, being held by him, and laughing with him. But I want more. And I want to create the space for more to come in. I tell you this because it felt so beautiful to see this shift, to see myself really listening to my body’s agency and honoring it. I believe this is how we build trust with ourselves. We honor our body's knowings. This shift felt like a big deal for me

Another change I’ve noticed is how the things I used to think matter, just don’t hold the same weight for me anymore. (I wrote about this on instagram too.☟) My life feels a lot slower, way less flashy, and the things that bring me so much joy now would have felt pretty boring to me a few years ago. 

ruthielindsey

A post shared by Ruthie Lindsey (@ruthielindsey)

I’ve recognized how simple things feel so much more important to me. The way my friends' children scream and run to me when they see me. The way the light dances on my wall at certain times of the day. The way burning frankincense smells in my tea room. The feel of the grass under my feet on my daily barefoot walks in the park. (I did recently step in the biggest pile of shit on said walk…that made me laugh so hard, and want to gag, ha.) The smell of a new book in my hands. 

I have been noticing the things that are already so beautiful and good in my life rather than just the things that are missing.

This is a real practice for those of us identifying as an enneagram 4, but it is such a worthy and beautiful practice. I am practicing being really present and feeling in my body all the things I am so grateful for in my life. This feels so profound. The thing is, none of this is new news to anyone. We all know gratitude is important, but I think what felt beautiful during my birthday reflection is that because I have been actively practicing this more, it now feels more like a habit. And this feels amazing. 

As I turned 43, I was able to reflect on how different my life looks and let myself feel proud of the friends I have cultivated in my life and grateful for the way they love me. I let myself really hear the ways they feel loved by me and the ways I have impacted their lives. An older version of me really shamed myself for how I unintentionally hurt people in my past and unconsciously used them. None of that fits anymore and I can tell in this life that I have learned some really hard lessons. Being able to forgive  myself and letting myself appreciate the beautiful souls that surround me felt profound. 

I think it's important to let ourselves honor and be proud of ourselves, for all of the shifts we experience. This doesn’t have to be in such a way to make us feel better than anyone else. It’s not that at all. I am very aware of my shortcomings and shadow self. I’ve spent most of my life focusing on these things. As I move into this new year though, I feel called to honor growth and love all parts of myself, especially the parts that are still growing and healing. This feels so expansive and so true. And I know that this is here for all of us.

love love,
Ruthie

Now I want to hear from you!

Comment on this post to share something (or somethings) you are proud of yourself for! Where do you see growth in your life? 

I would really love to hear you, support you, and honor your journey. Even the smallest things that you have seen shift in yourself are worthy of being witnessed. 1% changes are huge!! 

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Keep reading to see what’s coming up in the Love’s Invitation community.

Let yourself be seen and held with Love Reflections Sessions  

The next container is now open for Love Reflection Sessions, my 1:1 coaching offering. An 8-week and a 12-week option are now available to choose from.  I treasure the work I get to witness unfold with those who dive into this with me and I’d love to connect with you if you’re ready to take this step.  Learn more on my website here. 

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Listen to our chat on friendship with Jedidiah Jenkins!

If you registered for this gathering we had, you already received this recording in your inbox last week, but now I want to share it with all of you! We had such a beautiful time together with Jed at our Live Gathering, talking about all things deep and meaningful friendships. With my friends on my heart and mind during this birthday reflection, I keep coming back to some of the things we touched on in this chat. 

You can watch the recording here. There's also an option to listen to just the audio. 

I can't wait to hear what you take away from this conversation and how you tend your own friendships too! 

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I pulled these cards and recorded this message to share with you, sweet friend.

To new years, honoring friendships, and honoring our transformations.  

XX,
Ruthie

Don’t forget to comment on this post to share with us what you are proud of yourself for right now, honoring your own growth and shifts. ♡

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