My Brain Is Addicted

Hi beautiful friends, 

I am writing to you less than a week into starting my digital detox and let me tell you, I am feeling the withdrawals. I am noticing all the ways my brain has become addicted to this gadget up to this point. 

Yesterday, I woke up very exhausted having not gotten much sleep after a fun date. I did not do my morning routine and instead rushed into my day. One thing after another happened, and it was so activating. The woman that took my blood at the OB, who was most likely having a very bad day, was pretty short and aggressive, and I honestly wanted to punt her to the moon. Then I got cut off by a huge truck and wanted to scream at the driver so badly. Next, I went to the Apple Store, and it took three times as long as I had expected, plus I ended up spending way more than I had planned. It just kept going…but you get the picture. 

Today, I had a moment to collect myself. I went on a beautiful hike with my dear girlfriend, Jamie Lee Finch. All I wanted was to go to the woods and transmute this energy I have been feeling, but instead, for very legitimate reasons, I was 30 minutes late. I wanted to scream. The minute Jamie walked up I told her how much I loved her and how frustrated I was because it’s just been one silly thing after another. I finally started calming down after walking with her for a bit, and then she made a really great point. Well, one is that Mercury just went into retrograde….ha, of course! Then she so perfectly pointed out (with so much love, patience, and grace) that I am also in withdrawal from my phone addiction! WOW! That had not even crossed my mind, but I completely believe that is true.

This past week, some of us in the Love’s Invitation community, including myself,  started the book, How To Break Up With Your Phone, as part of our  September Digitial Detox.  

It is a book of daily prompts and suggestions to help you create a new relationship with technology. Before even starting the book or the daily protocol it invites us into, I instantly deleted the 2 apps on my phone that I currently spend the most time on, a dating app and Instagram. Let me tell you, I HAVE FELT IT. 

I have started paying attention more to how often I reach for my phone to distract me.

Sometimes it’s so I don’t have to feel what I am feeling, others to escape boredom or discomfort. Ultimately, I reach for it so I don’t have to be present with whatever is in front of me. And it’s such a good tool for this because it was created to literally addict us. We get a hit of dopamine every time someone we like texts us, a notification pops up for a new like or comment on our post.

Have you noticed how many times you hit that refresh button, wondering did that email come in, or did any see that photo I shared? It’s like a slot machine where usually there's nothing new, but we keep going back for more hoping to hit the jackpot! It is so perfect at sucking us in, taking our attention, time (oftentimes our sanity), and it takes us away from being present to our lives, our bodies, and our families.

This is not to shame any of us; IT IS DOING ITS JOB! We are the users and the drug is our phones. In the book, Catherine Price goes into the science of all of this and what it is doing to our brains. So here I am, noticing, and it’s honestly more wild than I realized. And I am more addicted than I thought. 

And also, the withdrawal is so real! I notice I am watching more tv. My ego loves to say I don’t have a tv, but you can still binge the shit out of a show on a computer, ha! I also notice my urge to check Instagram, and how often I tap my screen to see if anyone texted me, to see if that guy wrote me back, etc. 

This is such an invitation for me to be here, to feel my feelings, to be present to my own life.

I am trying to bring radical compassion and mindfulness to these urges. I love using Tara Brach’s RAIN practice to help me do this. The first step is recognizing the feeling that is there. Am I sad, bored, anxious, insecure, etc? Is that what I am trying to avoid by using my phone? Then, I allow the feeling to be here. I get curious about it. I go within, get somatic, and inquire about the feeling in my body. By doing this I nurture myself and bring love to the feeling that just wants to be felt.

tarabrach

A post shared by Tara Brach (@tarabrach)

I am at the very beginning of this digital detox journey, but I will continue to share with you all the feelings and revelations I have along the way. I am curious, have any of you done a detox like this before? What did that look like, how did you feel, and what did you notice? I would love to know. 

And if you’d like to join us on this detox we’re doing together, you’re still welcome to join anytime. It can be so helpful to know you’re not the only one going through something.

We’ll be sharing a discussion thread later this week, for anyone that wants to share what they’re noticing or witness others’ experiences. I’d love to have you with us!

XX,

Ruthie

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Keep reading to see what’s coming up in the Love’s Invitation community.

1:1 Love Reflections Sessions have expanded! 

I’m opening up my Love Reflection Sessions to be able to join ongoing, while spaces are available. And it’s expanding! We will have 10 weeks together now. This will include 8 1:1 sessions with 2 weeks for integration. You’ll have personal Voxer support with me throughout all 10 weeks too! 

If you’ve been wanting to explore this with me, I’d love to chat with you more on a discovery call. I truly fall in love with each and every one of the beautiful souls I have the honor of working with and treasure the deep work we get to do together. 

If you’re interested in working with me, learn more and apply for a discovery call.

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If you're joining the detox, find your own copy of Catherine's book to go through with us. I highly recommend it! 

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Here’s to being present with whatever is in front of you right now.

XX, 

Ruthie