Our Anniversary and What This Relationship is Teaching Me
Embracing growth, love and the unexpected lessons of partnership
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Eric and I just celebrated two years together! What a ride it has been. Gorgeous, messy, human, tender, repairing, forgiving, learning, communication, sometimes lack of communication :) fun, laughter, play and so much in between. I thought I would share a few things these past two years have taught me and why I feel so grateful for all the lessons.
For the longest time after getting divorced, I proclaimed that I would NEVER get married again, NEVER live with someone again, and would be just fine staying single for the rest of my life (extreme much?!) That would be the same person who in her teen years proclaimed to everyone I met that I really disliked animals and if one came near me I would shoosh them away! All my friends from college knew me as someone who really hated animals! ME! HATE ANIMALS?!? What a freaking joke.
The reason I made that statement was because when I was fourteen, my favorite cat, Grizzabella, was killed by a snake, and it absolutely devastated me, and I had zero tools to process it in my highly sensitive heart. A few years after that, my 13-year-old dog Mia who I loved with all my heart, who slept with me every night and I loved fiercely had become deaf and blind from old age. She fell asleep behind my car and I backed over her and killed her. I just teared up writing that. I do not have words for how heartbroken I was. Then two weeks later, I was in a car accident and shut myself off even more.
The only thing I knew to do was shut down my very tender, highly sensitive, empathic heart to try to protect myself from ever hurting again. That was a brilliant solution to keep me shut down and not feel all the trauma I was experiencing and keep me numb for a very long time. So the same thing happened after my divorce. I was done with men for a good while to try to protect my heart and the ones I did casually date, I did not in any way shape or form open my heart to them. They were not going to hurt me, damn it! I held that stance for years honestly.
Thankfully, after SO much therapy, inner child work, shadow work, somatics, nervous system work, plant medicine, and many other forms of wholeness work, I began opening my heart more and more to love, to receiving, to allow myself room to grieve and be angry and everything in between. It has been no joke and also the most rewarding work of my life.
Even a few years ago, I would not have chosen Eric when I first met him because of so much of my old conditioning of what a partner should look like, what kind of job they should have, status, and more bullshit that lived in my unconscious mind. Thank God, I had done enough work to break through and get out of my own way. Sometimes kicking and screaming, to be honest.
I was scared to death to open my heart to him. Scared to death that I would break his heart. This was all a risk. It still is, to be honest. Nothing is guaranteed. But choosing to love him and him choosing to love me and continue to open our hearts to each other has fundamentally changed me for the better.
As I am sure you have heard many times over, relationships are just mirrors to us of all our unhealed baggage. They are the most profound opportunities to have our unconscious wounds come up over and over and have someone there to mirror them to you, to witness to you, and to love you and lean into those deeply painful places.
Eric has seen parts of me that I have never let anyone else see. He has continued to show up with love even when we are hurt, confused, angry, sad, you name it. He has been the greatest mirror of divine love to me when I am feeling my least lovable. Nothing in this world thus far has shown me more of my shadow than intimate relationships. This just so happens to be the first conscious partnership I have ever been in so we are doing such holy wholeness work with each other.
Integrity is a core value of mine and I see so much integrity in sweet Eric. We also have plenty of co-dependence inside of both of us and so I feel proud of how we have worked to keep autonomy in our relationship. I have a full life outside of my life with Eric with friendships, work, etc and he does too. We are also both committed to doing our own personal healing/wholeness work. That is SO important to me. I feel deeply loved by Eric doing his own inner work.
We both value our relationships with the Divine. God comes before Eric. I come before Eric too. Our relationship is the third highest priority of my life. God (the universe, the divine, insert whatever work serves you best) is really who I am here to serve in this life. Second would be taking care of myself in the best way I know how and what overflows from that is really rich for my relationship with Eric. My family and friends and my clients all come next. Do I do this perfectly?! Far from it but that is my intention and what I work towards.
For our anniversary we went out to a delicious dinner at a new restaurant then we went to see one of our favorite bands Ocie Elliott. I found their music the year we met and Eric quickly became a huge fan also. We saw them last night at the Country Music Hall of Fame which is a pretty small venue. I was in heaven because I love music but highly dislike huge stadiums and crowds. I am a house show kind of girl and this totally had that vibe. When they played our favorite song, Forrest Floor, we got up and slow danced (we were in the back row) but no one else was dancing and it felt like we had our own private show in the dark. It was so tender and precious, and I just cried and cried. Thanking God for this love, for the love I get to receive and give to the most precious hearted, kind, generous, hilarious, tender, open, loving and let's not forget handsome man :)
I keep thinking, everything he and I have lived through, and let me tell you there have been many hell on earth moments, have prepared us for this love and I would not change one thing because it all brought me to this life with this man (and Fern) to this work that I love and these relationships. As insane as that sounds.
I could not be me and he could not be him, if we had not gotten so far off the path, broken down, had nervous breakdowns, dealt with addiction, trauma, etc; but it all invited us back home to ourselves to become truer versions.
I fell in love with a truer version of Eric and vice versa and through our love, I believe we are both shedding more and more of our conditioning and helping each other become more of our whole selves. What a gift!
Thank you Eric for loving me, choosing me, laughing with me, bringing me out of my limiting stories, and leaning in even when I push you away. You are a national treasure sweet man! I love you with all of me! Happy anniversary babe!
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The name of your cat brought me so much joy that I laughed out loud, then went outside and looked at the stars. A break in the seriousness. I appreciate this share x
This writing is such a gift to me & to all of us who follow you. I learned of you thru Christa Black & how thankful I am to know you & love you. This writing touches deep places within me because I, too, have been doing deep work within my heart in the last 2 years. As your writings show, true healing takes work but we both have gone the distance….not arriving at total wholeness but absolutely in process! 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻
Plz know these words from your heart are so honoring to our Divine.
Thank you for pouring out to all your readers & bein g the “real deal.”
Coram deo(before the Face of God),
Donna Hazelwood ♥️