Singing The Sound Of My Heart
Hi beautiful friend,
I want to check in with you. How are you?.
To be honest, the last few weeks have been really activating for me, and I did not want to feel it. Some of my old rejection wounds got incredibly activated, and then with the supreme court ruling, my body felt massive amounts of grief and anxiety. I did not want to look at it. I have read so many books to avoid feeling everything, but thankfully my sweet body wouldn't let me ignore her for long.
I am not here to push my political opinions on anyone. There is an older version of me that would have wanted to, but I really try to live in a more non-dualistic space these days. I will share that my body felt so much anxiety for me and for all American women that aren't getting to make their own choices. This whole thing is way too nuanced to make it this black and white. It makes my heart ache.
Monday morning I woke up with so much anxiety in my body. None of my usual escape tactics were working so I finally decided to talk to my body and my inner child and see what she needed.
I felt called to do a practice that my teacher, Londin, taught me last year. It’s a practice I also have all of my clients do too. I started by imagining the divine standing in front of me with such loving compassionate eyes. For me, it's usually Mother Mary, but it could be whatever feels most resonant for you. I picture her blowing love onto me. I receive her breath by inhaling her love into my lungs. I try to push that loving, intentional breath down through my chakras to my root, and then with the exhale, I sing the song of my heart.
I never know what sounds will come out of my mouth. The first time I was asked to practice this, I felt so awkward! It felt vulnerable and uncomfortable, but now I absolutely love it. Monday morning when I began singing the songs of my heart, I heard primal cries come out. I was wailing. Fat tears streamed down my face as I cried, screamed, and wailed. It felt so old, and in some strange way, it felt amazing to finally allow myself to express the feelings that had been bubbling under the surface for quite some time.
Then, I put on music and started dancing. I heard myself saying, “Thank you. God,” over and over. All of a sudden the faces of people that I had felt hurt or rejected by started popping into my mind’s eye, and I would hear myself say, “Thank you, God.” These souls and situations played the perfect roles to activate my core wounds so that I could come back to myself and begin bringing deep love and compassion to those hurt places. And this is so healing. I was crying but also feeling true gratitude for the perfect (albeit deeply painful) roles they played in my life.
This is not me trying to put a bandaid on past hurts or over the pain I have been feeling for all that is happening in our country. Not for one second. I believe we have to let ourselves grieve, feel deep anger, and mourn. I have been doing a lot of punching pillows and screaming into them, which feels holy to me (try it, it feels GREAT). But, after letting myself grieve and mourn with my voice, it felt really beautiful to dance with gratitude for these painful places in my life. What invitations they have been to come back home to myself and to do this inner healing work, to bring care and compassion to that little girl inside of me that deeply longs for love and belonging and often doesn’t feel safe.
I want to be the most amazing mama to my inner child, to remind her of her goodness, and to bring compassion to her mistakes. When my walls and escape mechanisms are in full force, I am trying to love on my little girl self because she is the one that is doing such hard work to try to keep me safe. It never helps to shame her for turning to these escape tactics she learned young in order to find comfort outside of herself. It only exacerbates my pain and trauma. When I choose to go in, comfort her, and commune with that traumatized little girl, my grownup self gets to take over in the driver seat again. I try to remind her that I will take such good care of her now.
How are you taking care of yourself right now? Do you have practices to help move grief, anger, mourning, and anxiety through your body? Most of us were not taught how to do that, so we swallow these big feelings. We stuff them down, numb them and they truly make us sick (we know the body keeps the score), but they just want to be felt and communed with.
Monday morning after I sang the song of my heart (more like screamed and wailed it), I felt a sweet spaciousness and something like peace in my body. I felt like I heard her say, “Thank you, thank you for letting me express this hurt. That’s all I wanted. I love you.”
Have some of your own practices you’d like to share? We’re trying out a new discussion thread
Keep reading to see what’s coming in the Love’s Invitation community
We’re trying something new!
Have some of your own practices you’d like to share? We’re trying something new with our Love’s Invitation Community… Community Threads!
If you’re a paid subscriber, join in conversation with each other through our threads. For this first one, I thought it’d be lovely if we could share some of the practices we’re using to help us move emotions during this time.
Have something you’d like to share? Want to see what others are doing?
I’d love to hear from you. | Community Poll
We’ve received some beautiful responses in this poll and it’s been beautiful to read your messages. We’re trying the new community discussion thread because so many of you shared you’d love to have space to connect with each other more!
Love’s invitation is ours, and I want to keep shaping it. If you haven’t submitted to the poll yet, I’d love to know what themes you would love to dive into more as this container continues to take shape!
Freedom From Chronic Pain Retreat in August
The Omega Institute for the Freedom From Chronic Pain retreat is in August. Audrey Assad and I are going to be joining Nicole Sachs again at this beautiful opportunity to commune with the connection between our mind, emotions, and body. We’ll work with healing practices to help you establish a foundation for long-lasting wellness.
If you're interested you can learn more here.
Join me in Tulum!
I am co-leading The Venus Retreat in Tulum on September 16-22nd. This will be such an amazing opportunity to invite us into a life of surrender and ease, instead of pain and resistance, of trusting instead of striving, beauty instead of struggle, dancing with life instead of suffering.
The Venus Retreat will be an embodiment experience of unfolding into love, beauty and ease. This retreat will hold a container for you to release heaviness and bask in the waters of presence, pleasure, delight, sensuality, beauty, love and ease. We would be so honored to go on this journey with you!
Some things to listen to this week…
I am having all of my clients listen to this. It’s blowing my mind. I believe this is a wound that is affecting so many. Take a listen and let me know what you think. I’m now reading the Mother Hunger book too, and WOAH!
I recently re-listened to this old Alanis song. I didn’t get it when it came out, but the other day I listened to it and cried. She’s thanking these parts that have been deeply painful but also led to her waking up. I’ve been dancing to this so often and thanking all the pain in my life for being part of my entry point to come home to myself and bring deep love to my hurt places–to my inner child. Thank you, God.
A Card For You
I love this card and when I pulled it, I knew it was perfect for all my body has been longing to feel and completely applicable to this newsletter.
I hope you can take care of yourself this week. If you don’t have any practices to move emotions through your body, I welcome you to try the one I shared here and sing the sound of your own heart.
XX, Ruthie
PS: Don’t forget to check out our new discussion thread for paid subscribers if you want to share practices or be inspired by other beautiful souls to try something new! Check it out here.