Soulful Singleness and Divine Dating
Dating is so loaded. I had SO many stories about it for so long and honestly hated it for most of my life. I rarely got asked out and when I did, it usually only happened when I’d go on a dating app and “like” somebody first.
I would easily go a year without going on a single date. I told the story that I was super independent and that’s why I never dated. But then I’d get the feeling like I was undesirable and feel really sorry for myself. I thought “there must be something wrong with me” because men never seemed to want to date me. I had SO MANY male friends who would do absolutely anything for me, but it never crossed over into romantic territory.
A few years ago I worked with one of the best somatic coaches I’ve ever known, and she helped me realize that because of my core wounds, I had “brother’d” most of the men I met. I’d automatically put them into the friend zone when I met them because “brothers aren’t going to break your heart”. My oldest brother who helped raise me and was often my main caregiver, loved me as best he could (he’s 6.5 years older, so he couldn’t attune to me, but I felt so safe with him. He never broke my heart). So unconsciously, I did this to all the men I met. I was able to stay safe, avoidant, and in my stories. This sent me on a deep inner journey to learn how to attune to myself and my body, see dating and relationships in a completely new way, and start interacting with men differently.
I really honor the time I spent as a single person. I learned so much about myself, my body, my desires and wants, and my feminine magnetism. I just came home from a retreat with Kate Northrup, and she taught us about egg wisdom. The feminine is all about receiving and magnetizing. When a woman gets pregnant, the egg isn’t the one searching for the sperm. The egg sits in her power and the sperm does all the chasing and searching for her. She only opens up to the sperm that she feels is worthy of her. She owns her power and doesn’t beg or chase, she receives. I LOVE that visual so much!
Allowing myself to stand in my innate power, worth, and divinity and know that I’m deserving of love because I exist, not because I’ve done something to deserve it, is so freeing, and oooof, it’s my life’s work!!!
I believe learning to work with that energy allowed me to be open to receiving Eric’s unconditional love, and wow, his love is so abundant! A younger version of me wouldn’t have felt worthy of it, so I would have pushed him away unconsciously!
This is a topic I feel so passionate about, as does my dear friend and sister, Mari Andrew. It’s something we bonded over the day we met and have spent countless hours talking, crying, laughing, and bearing witness to it in one another. Both the highs and the lows!
Next Tuesday at 11:30 am central, Mari is going to be our special guest on our monthly live call and will talk to us about Soulful Singleness and Divine Dating. (This is for all my paying Substack members, and is 6 dollars/month if you’d like to join us).
Mari is a Brooklyn-based New York Times bestselling author, artist, and speaker, who has gained an international reputation for her joyful, philosophical illustrations and essays that meander between deep and light, bitter and sweet. Her books include “Am I There Yet?” and “My Inner Sky”.
I had the honor of watching her get married last month in the most beautiful intimate wedding in Brooklyn, and it just touched me on a level that’s hard to describe. I couldn’t stop crying because it’s everything I’d hoped for her for so long and seeing her dreams come true was just so magical!
In Mari’s words, "I truly believe that singleness is sacred, and dating can be a co-creation with the Divine if we are fully engaged in it. It’s easy to fall into familiar narratives—dating sucks, everyone good is taken, nobody likes me, I’ll be alone forever—but it’s just as easy to begin believing new ones: I am so ready, I’m so deserving, my singleness is a gift, dating is wonderful for me, good people are everywhere.
That’s what I want to work on together on the 28th: new narratives that challenge collective pessimism. Let’s be rebels for hope!"
We will share our dating journeys with you and also have time for Q&A (and it will be recorded if you can’t make it live)!
Can’t wait to see you there!
Xx Ruthie
Check Out Mari’s Beautiful Books Here: