Thank You Algorithm
Hi friend!
The algorithm on Instagram has been so frustrating to me. I talk with friends about how annoying it is that it doesn't show my work to my followers and friends anymore. A post sharing the same offering I shared last year was shown to 80% fewer people. Since my work and income have been tied to y’all seeing my work and offerings that decrease has felt pretty brutal.
I’m working to change this whole narrative within me though. Let me tell you why. Yesterday I had this beautiful aha moment. I realized how the algorithm and Instagram have highlighted so many of my shadow parts.
Let me explain. I grew up finding all my worth and value in what others thought of me. It was how I was raised. I was constantly asked as a child, “What did they say about you today? Did they say how pretty you are? What did they say about your outfit?” My entire identity was in receiving affirmation and approval from others. They were the litmus test, deciding if I was “good, worthy, loved, and deserving” and if I didn't get it, I would feel like something was inherently wrong with me.
So here is where Instagram and the algorithm have come in. It has absolutely fed that part of me still looking for external validation. Every like, every comment is like a serotonin hit to my sweet needy brain. I like to think I am a pretty grounded, aware person, but the countless hours I have spent being absent from my own life and the present moment because
I am scrolling mindlessly, checking my posts, likes and comments, seeing WHO liked my posts and stories…DEAR GOD, it's SO MUCH!
When the algorithm stopped showing my posts to people, I started telling myself so many stories, like, “I am a has-been. People don't care about my work anymore. People won't find my work anymore. I'm not of value, etc.” The list goes on and on with the stories I can spin over this stuff. I am giggling right now just thinking about it. But here is the thing y’all, we know this–these apps were created to addict us. That is their primary goal. We are being played! We are being used! I am not upset or judging myself or any of us because this is exactly what it was created to do.
So yesterday I had this really beautiful moment. I began thanking the algorithm for being such a dark seductive vixen in my life, for showing me the parts of me that are still very much looking externally for worth, validation, and love, the parts that think being seen and known by certain people actually means anything. Because update, sweet Ruthie, IT DOESN'T! And y’all, this is the work I do, learning to love all of me, to find my worth in just purely existing and yet it has still had me in its grips! Can you imagine what this is doing to our young people whose prefrontal cortexes aren't even fully developed yet?
I chose to write Instagram and the algorithm a thank you letter. I thanked it for showing me the addiction I have for affirmation, validation, and acceptance. I wrote out all the ways that it has shown me how I still compare myself to others, feel jealous of others, and for showing me how often I try to escape my life and the present moment. Every time I get on my phone and mindlessly scroll, I am not here, right now experiencing my life.
In my letter, I told the algorithm I was onto it. My first step is being aware and declaring that my intention moving forward was to use it but not let it use me anymore. What does that look like for me to become a sober social media user? The first thing I’ve done is delete it off my phone. I can still get on my computer and check it anytime (and have countless times), but I am noticing. I am putting limits on myself. It is HARD! It's a freaking addiction. Even when it's off my phone, I pick up my phone and try to check it out of muscle memory. It feels like actual withdrawals at first, and then it feels so good. It creates space–so much time and space to create, to connect with those around me, to be in nature, to be with myself, and to take really good care of myself. It helps me be here without distraction.
Here is the thing though. The addiction is still very much in me. The second I download it again, I am sucked right back in. So for now I am just noticing, laughing with myself, and loving on that part of me that wants affirmation. That is the little girl part of me that still says, “What did they say about you today, Ruthie?” Now when I notice that part of myself (which is often) I put my hand on my heart and say, “Oh dear, Ruthie, I am here sweet girl. I see you. What does God say about you today? What does your higher self say about you today?” And then I speak the truth over myself. It feels so loving and just so true.
I also have been trying to practice putting my phone on airplane mode from 9 pm to 9 am. It doesn't always happen but when I do, it feels so good to not fall asleep or wake up consuming so much information. I still get to use this app for work and to share with you but this newsletter is one way amongst others that feels so much better for me to share with you.. Less people are here than on Instagram, but everyone here is choosing to be here, and if you want to see my work, you will!
Does this land for you? Can you relate? Do you have phone hygiene and boundaries? If so, I would love to hear them!
With love,
Ruthie
Keep reading to see what’s coming in the Love’s Invitation community.
How To Like Yourself 101 - A new workshop this Sunday, May 1!
I would love to share with you the way I went from absolutely hating myself, wanting to die, and speaking shame and disgust over myself and my body day in and day out to truly feeling so endeared to myself, my body, and my life. I now consider myself my own best friend and lover. If I can learn to like myself, I know this is for everyone! This is your birthright.
I have scholarships for LGBTQ and BIPOC communities. There will be a recording for everyone that attends that you will have access to for 2 weeks.
Love Reflections 1:1 Container
I have a few spots left for my 6-week container that is starting in mid-June. If you are interested in doing one on one work with me, here is your chance. Sign up here.
Community Full Moon Ritual on May 15
Next month, we will have a full moon ritual on May 15th, 5-6 pm CT for all paying subscribers. This will be a beautiful chance to release all that is no longer serving you. Register for your spot to join us.
What’s been nurturing me lately:
Here is a gorgeous, two-part conversation my dear friend and soul sister Holly Whitaker had with Emily McDowell. They interview my hero, Liz Gilbert, about why she walked away from social media. It really inspired this conversation. I am so in love with these women and their hearts and I’m convinced Liz and I would be best friends. HA. (I'm aware that everyone feels this way)
I read this book a few years ago and I am thinking it's about time for round 2 → How To Break Up With Your Phone by Catherine Price
Songs for you, beautiful soul, to remember how loved and worthy you are: