We Get To Be Sad And Heavy
Hi friend,
I would love to come on here and give you all the inspiration, but my heart and body hurt. I honestly don't feel like writing at all. I don't feel like I have much to give right now, and that is okay.
There is still something deep within me that thinks I shouldn't struggle or feel low or sad. (UPDATE: I'm an enneagram 4–that is sort of our thing. We feel it all.) This morning I started crying hysterically over a character in a book possibly dying. HA!
I have a lot of stories that I get to be with when I feel heavy and sad–the "shouldn't" stories. We can be so hard on ourselves, and even though I really try not to use the word “should,” I still should myself. I mentioned in the last email about my pain being really high. Well, that has not changed. I have lived with a very high level of pain in my body since my 20s. I have learned to work with it, love on it and listen to it, and it still can kick my ass at times. I feel like I have learned to live a very full, beautiful life despite hurting all the time, but when that baseline of pain is exponentially higher, sometimes it can take me over the edge.
Because I don't really lead with my pain like I used to–I don't talk about it much–I can sometimes feel pretty isolated with it. I have also been in a new town with new friends that I don't know very well, and I just don't always feel super comfortable talking about my pain and grief, which can add to the isolation.
I decided to share these things because everyone struggles. I don't ever want to come off as though I have it all figured out. I will be on this journey until I am back on the other side. I also believe it's such a disservice to only share our struggles when we are on the other side of them.
We all get to be human, and we all get to struggle. It all gets to be here.
Lately, I have really let myself feel disappointed. I am deeply disappointed that I still have pain every second of every day; it’s really fucking hard. I’m also deeply longing for partnership, and I've had some incredibly disappointing dating experiences that have activated some deep old wounds within me.
My heart and body have both felt deeply sad and heavy. I just wrote a sentence where I apologized for this not being an uplifting email, but then I erased it because that was my old conditioning. I get to be sad and heavy, and you get to be sad and heavy if that is where you are. We all get to show up exactly as we are, and we don't have to freaking apologize for it.
We get to remind ourselves that this isn't forever. We will not always feel this way. This too will pass.
I love you. I love me. I love us. I am grateful to be in this community with you.
I am thankful that we get to be on this earth school journey together. I honor your journey, the beautiful parts, the brutal parts, and everything in between. And I honor those parts of my journey also.
love love love,
Ruthie
Keep reading to see what’s coming up in the Love’s Invitation community.
A new 8-week 1:1 Love Reflections Sessions container
Spaces for the new 8-week Love Reflections Sessions are now open! We begin in a few weeks!
I’d love to chat with you more on a discovery call if you’re interested. I honestly never want these containers to end with my clients…I truly fall in love with each and every one of the beautiful souls I have the honor of working with.
If you’re interested in working with me, learn more and apply for a discovery call!
Join me in Tulum!
If you’ve ever wanted to explore a life of surrender and ease, instead of pain and resistance, of trusting instead of striving, beauty instead of struggle, dancing with life instead of suffering, I invite you to check out The Venus Retreat. I will be co-leading this in Tulum on September 16-22nd.
It’s going to be a beautiful experience, and I would be so honored to go on this journey with you! If you’re interested, you can read all the details here.
A few extra things I wanted to share with you this week:
This song <3
The Rose Code by Kate Quinn
I love historical fiction and I recently finished The Rose Code by Kate Quinn. It was the perfect thing to help myself check out during the past few weeks. It always feels better to me to read when I feel like this rather than watch tv. (Or maybe I just tell myself that I am at least learning something. Ha!)
It's an empowering story of three women code breakers during WWII, based on a true story. I loved it! She also wrote The Alice Network and The Huntress, and I also really loved those. I have a weird fascination with WWII. I've read so many books that take place during that time. Maybe you’ll enjoy it too!