When the inner critic screams
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I pulled this card this morning and it hit me hard. I really needed to read these words. I needed to remember these words. Maybe you did too. I don’t know about you but I can be SO hard on myself. I can hold myself to a standard that is unattainable. Better known as perfectionism. I have told myself the most hurtful and painful stories that have caused me so much suffering in this life. It honestly hurts my heart to think about how much of a bully my thoughts have been to me.
I recently watched a video of Martha Beck discussing how, for the longest time, she believed that being enlightened meant freeing oneself from shame. To rise above it so to speak. She said she recently learned from meditation masters that enlightenment means becoming okay with what is going on. It is not freedom from suffering, it is freedom within suffering.
To be with whatever is going on, whatever shadowy part that is showing up in your life. To not make yourself bad but instead bring compassion, care, and honesty to that part of yourself. There are very few things that I am sure of in this life but one thing I am super clear on is that NO ONE has ever healed through shame. We heal through love. I know that this is true. Shame has toxically motivated me in the past but it did not change my heart. It did not bring me more love and compassion for myself much less for others.
I have recently been feeling a good bit worse than normal physically. I live with a pretty high level of pain each day. It can be a lot to say the very least but for the most part, I have learned to live with it well and live a pretty freaking great life at that. But when new pains show up, it can really knock me out and overwhelm me. I have seen myself go back to some of my old coping skills. Screens, screens, more screens, and lots of sugar. These are the things I did so young to leave my body. My earliest memories are in front of a TV with junk food. There are days I wish I could take a pill that could numb it all (and trust me I did that for the 7 years I lived in my bed daily but ultimately that did not help me at all). I have desperately wanted a break from the pain, so OF COURSE I have gone to the things that helped me escape as a child. I can know that and yet still be so hard on myself when I do.
I can also be very all-or-nothing. So it feels important to me to not be rigid but to have parameters for myself.
There is a school of thought that believes we come to Earth School to learn certain lessons that our soul is wanting to experience (and trust me I have had some big come-to-Jesus meetings with my soul about what it wanted to learn as me being Ruthie. Because it has been NO EFFING JOKE oooof! He he) But I also find it so interesting that we beat the shit out of ourselves for the mistakes we have made when maybe the whole point was just to learn from them. To grow, to expand. To become a truer version of ourselves.
My hope and prayer for you and myself is that we learn to bring so much more compassion to ourselves. Especially to the versions of us that have really screwed up. I have messed up so many things. Holy shit, have I ever. I also know that I would not have become more of the person I believe I am here to be if I had not learned from my mistakes. What a journey this earth school thing is.
Quick Self-Love Meditation:
You are so deserving of tender care and love. How can you bring a bit more kindness to yourself today? Will you try something with me? Try putting your hand on your heart right now. Imagine that your hand is a hand of pure love. Maybe tell your heart, “Hi my love, I am so sorry you are hurting right now but I am here with you. I love you. Your biggest mistake will never ever make you unlovable, it just makes you human. You get to be so human my love. I am here. I am here. I am here” Sit with that, really allow yourself to hear and receive those words.
I just did it and it brought tears to my eyes. I love you. I love us. I love the parts of you that feel unlovable. Especially those parts.
Love love love, Ruthie
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Love’s Invitation Event
Mind + Body Workshop
Love’s Invitation Monthly Event: Pleasure, Sexuality, and Your Nervous System Event.
I am so thrilled to share that on July 24th at 1230 central my somatic and nervous system coach Elena Dominguez is going to be our guest speaker for our monthly live online event for all paying members ($6/Month).
She is going to teach a class on Pleasure, Sexuality, and Nervous System Healing. This will include some teaching on the ventral vagal system and hormones and their connection to our pleasure and health in our nervous system and a practice to embody and activate the ventral vagus nerve and our own pleasure. She has been such a gift to me and I can’t wait for you to learn from her.
Paid Subscribers can register at the bottom of the newsletter.
In-Person Mind + Body Workshop
Jed and Ruthie are teaming up in Nashville, Tennessee from September 21st to the 22nd for a weekend writing and embodiment workshop.
The 2024 Mind and Body Workshop will focus on addressing our past, present, and future, as well as understanding what our bodies are telling us about it. Click the link below to learn more and purchase your ticket!