Why Some Heal and Others Stay Stuck
Happening Soon! I’m hosting a weekend retreat, “The Sacred Rebel Retreat”, at The Art of Living Center in Boone, North Carolina from April 12th-14th. You can find all the details here. Would love to have you join!
Hi beautiful friends,
First off let me start by saying, I am BLOWN away with the love, care, and generosity you’ve all poured into me since my latest newsletter where I shared about last month’s hardships. My whole intention for sharing all of that is for you to feel less alone in your humanness. We all get to be so freaking human! It’s the whole reason why we came to earth school in the first place. To make mistakes, to learn, to grow, to make more mistakes, and learn from those too! This is how we gain wisdom, beautiful friends! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the love and for sharing your stories with me of feeling less alone in your humanness!
There are all these studies out today that talk about why some people shift and change, and why others don’t. Why two people can both go to therapy for years and years, with one changing and shifting over time and others staying stuck in their stories. Here is what so many studies have shown. First off, if we’re staying in our heads and trying to break apart, WHY are we the way we are? Why are we messed up, how we need to be” fixed”,, why we are broken etc, etc, etc? We stay in our heads, and honestly, we can re-traumatize ourselves by retelling the same story over and over again. This keeps us in our shame stories ,and not one person has ever healed through shame. This keeps us over intellectualizing our pain and trauma. I went to therapy FOR YEARS and learned so many facts about trauma. I picked apart so many things that happened to me and told the story of that pain constantly. I even made a career out of it!
The problem was I never learned to feel that pain and trauma in my body, where the trauma actually lived. I was able to stay disassociated, in my head, intellectualizing it all. I could talk to therapists like peers because I knew so much about pain and trauma. I remember the first time I heard the phrase “knowledge is just a rumor until it moves into the muscle” and I almost cried. Most of my life felt like a rumor. I knew how to emote what I thought I “should” feel when I saw epic scenery, saw beautiful sunsets, etc. But I didn't know how to actually feel it in my body. I’ve been on a slow and beautiful journey of coming back into my body (and this work is slow!). I always tell my clients we’re looking for 1% shifts (because that is huge!) and it’s actually more sustainable for our nervous systems.
Learning practices to slowly get back into my body and to bring love and compassion to my parts have been the greatest shifts I’ve found in my life. This is ongoing work, and it’s a daily practice for me. I forget all the time, and then I remember again:) I can leave my body quicker than you can imagine because of all that my sweet body has experienced in this life…AND I’m able to see how these two things, when I practice them, are what have brought the greatest shifts in my life. That is why (with nervous system work) these have become the foundation of the work I do with my clients. Ground zero
I only offer and share things that I’ve needed so desperately for myself, because I was REALLY unwell most of my life and thankfully that has sent me on the most incredible healing journey. I wouldn’t change one thing that’s happened because I know it has made me into the woman that I am today. Two things can be true at once, I have and will continue to allow myself to deeply grieve so many painful experiences in my life AND I see what it has all invited me into.
I also practice remembering all the good, beautiful, pleasurable things in my life. As humans we are hardwired towards a negativity bias. It is what kept our ancestors alive AND it doesn’t serve us today. Because all your brain wants is to be proven right. So if I constantly believe that I’m broken, that the world is out to get me, then if something “good” happens, then something really shitty must be around the corner. This is because that is what my brain tells me “always” happens to me. My brain will constantly search to be proven right and it will draw more of those experiences to me to prove my beliefs right. Something I say to myself constantly is “the universe is obsessed with me, and it is constantly conspiring for my good”. It is a mantra that I love to repeat when I’m feeling a little beaten up by life.
I also like to look for ways the universe is proving that to me by looking for cute ways it’s flirting with me. It can be really simple things like seeing a dove and it reminding me of my daddy. Seeing all the signs of spring popping up around me. Smelling flowers or hearing a kind word from a friend. Getting long hugs from my partner, hearing my best friend’s son howl in laughter or walk around in his fox costume. Falling in love with a stray cat that I feed that I have named Fluffers, and her feeling safer and safer with me! She comes two to three times a day for food, and I’m falling more and more in love every day. I can’t explain the amount of joy she brings. Starting to look for beauty and goodness all around really helps my negativity bias.
My journey with getting back into my body began with studying under Tara Brach. Her work is so compassionate and loving and her podcast is incredible. That is where I learned the practice RAIN to feel my feelings. Recognize the feeling or emotion is there. Accept it without judging it (I like to invite the feeling to come have a seat next to me). Inquire, which is where you get to get really curious and feel it in your body. Lastly is Nurture, that is when you get to love on, care for and bring so much compassion to that part of you. This takes practice, sweet friends. We have been practicing beating the shit out of ourselves most of our lives and believing we are inherently bad and shaming ourselves for just being human. So, it will take practice to unlearn and untangle those stories. You are SO WORTHY AND DESERVING OF THAT. You are so good and worthy because you exist dear friend, as am I. That is the truest thing I know.
Here is a great place to start ⇒ click here
Lastly, how is the universe/God, whatever name that feels best for you, flirting with you right now? Can you start looking for sweet little things to prove to your mind that good and beautiful things are for you? This is a practice just like anything else. But I promise you, it really works!
I want to start sharing really practical tools here for you that have helped me so greatly and that I share with my clients daily. I’m also going to try to start sending out this newsletter once a week instead of every other week. I would LOVE to hear from you about things that you would like me to share more with you about. If there are certain topics you feel like would be really helpful.
I love you, I love us, you are not behind, beautiful friend, you are exactly on time.
Love love love, Ruthie
Keep reading for:
Get in Touch With Your Feelings, With Amber Rae - A Love’s Invitation Special Event
Hello beautiful souls,
I’m so excited for our special event that will help you Get In Touch With Your Feelings with my dear friend, Amber Rae, on Tuesday, March 26th at 1:00 pm CST! If you haven’t registered yet, make sure you do below (this will be recorded if you can’t make it live). As a reminder, this event is part of our monthly live offering for paid subscribers only - if you’re not a paid subscriber yet and would like to sign up for $6/month, you can sign up using the button below and then come back to this post to register!
In this conversation and workshop with bestselling author, speaker & journaling mentor Amber Rae we’ll discuss the realm of emotions, including:
The importance of opening into curiosity with our emotions
Why emotions aren’t good or bad but rather neutral messengers
How to acknowledge and name what we feel
The stories and meaning we may create
How to harness the wisdom of our emotions
Amber will guide us through her most transformative journaling practice, bringing us into a personal conversation with our emotions and inner support.
Here’s a little bit more about Amber:
Amber Rae is an international bestselling author, speaker, and journaling expert who’s on a mission to help people harness the wisdom of their emotions. She’s the author of Choose Wonder Over Worry, The Answers Are Within You, and most recently, The Feelings Journal. Her writing and illustrations reach nine million people per month in over 195 countries, and her work has been featured in The New York Times, New York Magazine, TODAY, SELF, Forbes, and Entrepreneur. As a keynote speaker and teacher, Amber’s spoken and led workshops at celebrated brands Kate Spade, Microsoft, Merrill Lynch, Lululemon, Unilever, and TED, among others. Through her website and popular social media channels, she's launched public art movements, global journaling challenges, and life accelerator programs. Previously, Amber helped Seth Godin launch a publishing venture with Amazon, and worked with brands like Apple, Dove, and Kimberly Clarke on their marketing campaigns.
You can connect with Amber here:
Amber’s Instagram: Click Here
Amber’s Feeling Journal: Click Here
This is an offering for paid subscribers to Love’s Invitation. If you’re not already subscribed, you can do so before the event to join us!
Here are all the details to join:
If you’re already a paying subscriber:
Register using the link below.
If you’re a free subscriber:
Join the monthly or annual subscription to Love’s Invitation.
Once subscribed, come back to this post to access the link to register for the event.