Write Your Story
Telling your story as a Catalyst for Growth
I just had the three year anniversary of my book being released into the world. It came out a month into Covid. At the time it was incredibly painful to have to cancel the big book tour we had planned. So many friends had donated incredible gifts for goodie bags but we were unable to send them out with the books because they were all at my publishers office which was shut down in NYC. I had worked on the book for over three years and it had done a NUMBER on me but the light at the end of the tunnel was getting to get out from behind my computer and with people, sharing my story, meeting people, hugging people, sharing hope. Instead, the world shut down.
I was in my underwear, alone in my house, scared, still behind a computer. It felt pretty heartbreaking to me at the time and at the same time, I knew in the big picture of things my sadness about my book tour not happening was really not a big deal compared to what so many were experiencing from Covid.
Before this all happened, I had very high expectations for this book and what it would do in the world. After three years of saying no to writing a book, I finally said yes because my sweet little ego thought I could help so many with this book and It would catapult my career to help as many people as possible. I love how earnest I was but I also giggle at my cute little ego. I have never loved writing, honestly, but I LOVE speaking and my mentor Ann Patchett told me that if I wrote a book I could speak as much as I wanted. That has not been the case at all. I told my team before it came out that I didn’t want to know how many were sold, mainly because I did not want to attach my worth to book sales and what people thought of me, though my ego CARED, but my higher self knew that it was none of my business.
My book did not end up on any best seller lists, I did not get a ton of speaking jobs after the book came out and I had to let myself grieve what I was hoping for, but here is what the book gifted me. Writing that book sent me on such a deep inner journey. It was honestly a pretty traumatizing experience at the time. I had to go back into all the most traumatic times of my life and relive them, dig into them, turn them upside down, make meaning of what I have lived through, and it broke me down. Literally, I had a mental breakdown as I was finishing it. It was incredibly traumatizing and heartbreaking. It also became one of the greatest catalysts for growth in my life.
It helped me uncover some deep core wounds that I was completely unaware of, it brought me to plant medicine which cracked open my world to such deep remembering and healing, and it also brought me to shadow work, which has changed my life. It was also a catalyst to burn down parts of my life that no longer fit. I walked away from a very shiny life that I did not know was not fully in alignment, until I did. I walked away from friendships, work I found identity in, and how I used social media to find worth. It honestly felt like a death in so many ways but it also birthed a way truer version of myself.
A beautiful image created by Morgan Harper Nichols for my book.
I am so grateful for that book, even though so much of it doesn’t fit anymore. My pain story was an identity for so much of my life and now it feels pretty boring to me. Now, I love sharing all the pain invited me into and that list is HUGE!!!!! Here is where I am at with that precious book I wrote. I am so grateful and proud of it. I am so proud of myself for all the work that went into it. I am proud of myself for putting myself out there and sharing my scariest and darkest moments. I truly feel like I wrote that book for myself and after I released it into the world, it was no longer mine, It is yours now. I still get messages most days that touch me so deeply for how the book has impacted their lives, wow! What a true honor.
That is the power of sharing our stories, even if some of those parts don’t fit me anymore, for those that are in the midst of their suffering, my prayer is that it can shine a light onto you of the healing that is available to you. I pray it feels like a balm to your aching heart. That book is no longer mine, I gave it to God and I give it to you. The outcome looks so different from what I expected and I truly believe that is perfect. It did its job. It invited me into deep inner work and excavation.
Thank you to everyone that read it. Thank you for all of you that have gone on this journey with me and the one thing I would love to leave you with is this. Write your story. Your story matters, your voice matters. You do not need a book deal or need to publish it for that to be the truth. Write your story for YOU and leave the rest up to the universe. I promise that it will change you in the best ways. I often don’t even know what I think about an experience until I write or speak about it. You deserve that experience. We all do!
If you have not read my book and it in anyway is calling to you, you can get a copy below, and if you get it on audible, I will read it to you :)
If you are interested in being inspired to write your story, follow my friend Ally Fallon. She is holding a workshop next fall to help people write their stories. Learn more about it here →
⥤ Keep reading for:
Relaxed Money Course with Kate Northrup
1:1 Love Reflection Session Details
Truth with Ruth with David Magee
Emotional Release Night Signup!
Relaxed Money Course with Kate Northrup
Also, last week I signed up for a PLENTY workshop by Kate Northrup and was BLOWN AWAY! I started following Kate this year on Instagram after a friend told me about her feminine approach to work, embodiment, abundance, and ease. I resonated with her so deeply that as soon as the workshop was over I signed up for the 2 month course, Relaxed Money. I have had so many lack money stories over this life because of how I was raised and the deep rooted fear that there was never going to be enough.
Over the years I have studied A LOT around money consciousness and I felt like there were two camps. The woo woo types like Abraham Hicks (who I love) but talk about how it is all our mindset, and we just have to think differently to bring in the abundance. I see truth in that, but if we have a dysregulated nervous system, you can’t “think” your way out of it. The other camp is all 3D, like Dave Ramsey where you are setting up lots of systems but never addressing your lack stories and nervous system. Kate is this incredible bridge between the woo woo 5D world and the practical 3D world. We need both!
If you are able to call in more money through your thinking and calming your nervous system, but don’t have systems in place to know what to do with it when it comes, it will just go right back out of your bank account! I was blown away by her embodied, easeful approach. Money has scared the shit out of me most of my life and I told the story that I was shit with money….I am so done with that outdated boring, limiting story!
I am so excited to dive into this course with Kate and many more in her community! If you are interested in releasing your limiting stories around money and finding an easeful and fun way to change your money stories, attract more money to you, and to know what to do with it when it comes, come join us!! →
Love Reflection 1:1 Sessions - 6 Month Container Now Available!
I am so excited to offer my container for 6 months now! I have tried 2 and 3 months, and as special as that was, so many ended up signing up for a second container because we felt like we were just digging into so many of the core wounds and having real breakthroughs right when it was time to close the container.
I was so unwell mentally, physically, and emotionally for a majority of my life and thankfully that sent me on a path of trying SO MANY different styles of healing. It helped me build quite the toolkit of practices that have brought the deepest shifts in my life. Learning how to bring radical self compassion and care to myself, to the places of deep shame and self loathing has been instrumental in my healing journey, as has learning to embody myself, to be in this present moment. All of this comes through practice and it is ongoing.
I like to think that this container is a place of deep remembrance and unlearning. Unlearning of all the the stories of what is so “wrong” with us and remembering our worth and divinity simply because we exist. This is our birthright, joy and please and feeling all of your feelings, is your birthright!
I would be so deeply honored to go on this remembering journey with you, precious soul. It would be a true privilege to mirror to you how loved you are, how you are love! I have 3 spots available. If you are interested or curious about this container, below is a link for a free explore call.
Click here to learn more and to book your Free Discovery Call→
Truth With Ruth: David Magee
I am thrilled to share my brother David with you today for our Truth With Ruth segment. I did not even know he existed until 4 years ago this month. Here is the story of our meeting. I also wrote about it here, and it includes video of our fist time meeting. David is more like my dad than any of us and I am in awe of the gorgeous work he is doing in this world. You can learn his incredible story of sobriety, losing one son to an overdose, and another dying of an overdose and then miraculously coming back to life, getting sober, and creating a beautiful life. My partner Eric and I went and stayed with David and his precious family 2 weekends ago on the anniversary of my Daddy’s death and I was in awe of how much he is like my daddy. They never got to meet because he died in ‘09, but boy does he live on through his son, David. I got to spend time with my Daddy’s great grand babies and oldest grand children. It all just blows me away. Read his book Dear William: A Father’s Memoir of Addiction, Recovery, Love and Loss, and be amazed by this precious soul.
Enjoy my brothers beautiful answers in this week’s Truth With Ruth.
Meet David!
David Magee is the author of Dear William: A Father's Memoir of Addiction, Recovery, Love and Loss, a Publisher's Weekly bestseller, named a Best Book of the South, and featured on CBS Mornings, and other non-fiction books. A change-maker in student and family mental health and substance misuse, he's creator and director of operations of The William Magee Institute for Student Wellbeing at the University of Mississippi and a frequent K-12 and university educational and motivational speaker, helping students find and keep their joy.
Website: www.daviddmagee.com
Instagram: @davidmageewriter
Check out David’s forthcoming guidebook, Things Have Changed. A book for parents about how to deal with teens and college students regarding mental health and substance misuse issues. You can find it here.
The Q&A
What does healing mean to you?
Healing means finding peace and freedom from blame. Healing is regaining our footing, and inner strength. Healing is the great payoff of resilience -- when the joy returns.
What is your biggest fear?
Not saving someone, or someones, who needs help.
What brings you joy?
I'm an 8, Wing 7 on the Enneagram, which means I'm constantly searching my freedom and trying to help others get there also. I find joy in that -- freedom, for myself, and for others.
And in that freedom comes the ability to truly engage with and appreciate the closest family and friends, and that is the ultimate joy.
What is your favorite childhood memory?
Riding my bike down a steep hill with friends so fast it felt like we were flying, and, we probably were.
We didn't wear helmets, and our bikes weren't built for that speed -- but somehow, we survived.
In what areas of your life could you give yourself more grace?
I should recognize achievements more than I do. As an adopted child, I've had something to prove for as long as I can remember. I'm 57 now -- and I know who I am literally and figuratively.
Yet, I feel like the underdog, forgotten child most every day who must prove himself to belong.
Who do you admire most? Why?
I most admire my son Hudson, who's 31. He's my role model and a best friend. He achieved what many cannot -- he got sober as a college student after a near-death experience and remains so to this day. He's kind and gentle and a good man who spends little to no time in judgement of others.
What is your favorite quality in a person? What is your least favorite quality?
My favorite quality in a person is their love of other humans.
My least favorite quality in a person is someone who blames others, who can't take responsibility.
What is your current state of mind?
Hopeful.
When and where are you most peaceful?
When I'm with my wife, children, and five grandchildren, I'm most at peace, despite the fact that toddlers are typically making some noise.
Growing up adopted, I didn't know any blood on this earth until my son William was born when I was 24 years old.
We lost William, our oldest, to an accidental drug overdose a decade ago, but, don't feel sorry for us. We miss our William but he's still with us in so many ways -- and we've grown closer to our children Hudson and Mary Halley since William's death. And now, they have five children between them.
Add in my new-found sisters and brothers, including Ruthie, my sister, along with many nieces and nephews, and it's family that gives me both peace and joy.
Which talent would you most like to have?
I wish I could see into the future to warn others about impending pain that could be averted.
What is something you are proud of in yourself?
Saving myself and saving my family (minus our Dear William). We were so broken, and yet, we have reclaimed our joy.
What is breaking your heart right now?
My heart is breaking right now for the pain so many teenage girls are facing throughout America due to the current mental health crisis. I get to speak in many schools throughout the country, and I have seen that pain on the faces of so many young girls, including middle school students, and it breaks my heart. Just rips my heart to pieces. I want to save each and every one of them, helping them find and keep the joy they want and deserve.
What is a song you will never get sick of?
It's a tie between Jesus Loves Me and Losing My Religion
What do you think is (or is one of) your greatest accomplishment(s)?
Taking another breath in that moment I was determined to take my last.
Favorite quote or poem?
My favorite quote comes (blush) from my memoir Dear William. And this is not to promote myself, it's just that I think this quote is the most true thing for all over us in life who've prevailed from the hardest of times:
"Resilience is the salvaged soul's most generous friend."
Do you have a morning routine? If so, tell us about it!
When I'm writing -- like now, as I've just begun my follow up memoir / self-help book to Dear William -- I get up at 6 or 6:30, drink two cups of coffee while catching up on the news (NY TIMES and WSJ). Then, I get my computer and get in a quiet spot to write for an hour to an hour and a half before taking a shower and getting to the office.
What does your perfect day look like?
Writing in the morning, playing with grandchildren much of the day, and a late afternoon walk and then early to bed.
What is the compliment you get the most? What do you wish you were complimented on?
I'm complimented often on my openness -- which is "more than most men," I'm told. And also on my writing as a close second -- though I think these compliments are one in the same, just framed differently.
I'm not sure what I wish I were complimented on. I just know I wanted to be a better father. Fortunately, I'm making up for lost years with my adult children and grandchildren, but, I meant to be a better father than I was when my children were teens.
If you could give one piece of advice about life, healing, self-love, living your truth, or the like, what would it be?
Forgive yourself, and everyone. It's a pathway to joy.
Thank you, David, for your beautiful share! And thank you, dear reader, for receiving this week’s newsletter thus far. Feel free to share what resonated with you in your stories or with a friend!
Our Emotional Release Night is Wednesday, May 24 at 6 PM CT!
Join us for our group Emotional Release Night. I’ll be sharing with you many of the practices I’ve learned to move energy and emotions through my body, the ones that have supported me along my own healing journey. The last time I held this kind of gathering, I had so much wonderful feedback from those who came. I can’t wait to see you all there and share these practices that have been so helpful with you.
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